Scott Wegener is a multi award-winning creative writer who believes in looking on the lighter side of life’s predicaments but still values how serious life is. This site features a wide variety of Scott's published and performed works. If you want to use any of these pieces, or commission something origional, contact Scott Wegener

Aug 16, 2008

How do you know if you are a prophet?

The Edge, August 16, 2008

Many people are at a loss to know if they are a prophet.

However, there are some simple tests to know if you have made it to prophet status or are a plain old dreamer.

Recognising Disconcerting Visions or Dreams (DVDs) is one way to spot your propheteering attributes. Basically, a real DVD should make no sense at all but burn itself into your memory.

For example, a regular dream might involve seeing yourself meeting Mickey Mouse, while a DVD would involve seeing yourself meeting Mickey Mouse, who has a head of gold that is covered in horns, and is ironing his clay shoes while singing a Rolling Stones song.

Other signs that you’re a certified prophet include these common symptoms:
  • When you are writing, a voice in your head points out most spelling, grammatical and factual errors.
  • Everyone you curse out loud gets attacked by bears.
  • The song Chariots of Fire runs through your head when you see a plane fly over.
  • Senior people continually quote you out of context in aid of rebuking young people.
  • You know lottery numbers in advance but your stance against gambling means you never buy a ticket.
  • Almost everyone doesn’t appreciate your advice, which is always confronting but right.
  • All TV, movies, books, sermons, sports and “who done it”evenings are tediously predictable.
  • Every time you think about avoiding a task that comes to mind, you suddenly smell rotting fish and feel a little sea sick.

If any of the above are a part of your life, congratulations— you’re most likely a prophet. If not, we’re sorry but daydreaming is not tax deductable for you.

Having now read all this, we have inspired you to become a prophet—don’t call God, He’ll call you! 

Interesting Fact: If you are a prophet then ... well ... you know the rest.


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