Scott Wegener is a multi award-winning creative writer who believes in looking on the lighter side of life’s predicaments but still values how serious life is. This site features a wide variety of Scott's published and performed works. If you want to use any of these pieces, or commission something origional, contact Scott Wegener

Nov 22, 2008

What is God's email address?


You may be surprised to hear that God has an email address—many in fact. Every evening, He checks His email after the dishes are done.

His very first email address was <God@trinity.hv>. There is also a <Jesus@trinity.hv> and <HolySpirit@trinity.hv>.

Due to spam, God now also has: <universemaster@creators.uv>, <admin@earth.mw>, <ok_giver@help.me>, <i_am@i_ am.iam>, <shepard1@flock.baa> and <smarty_pants@mensa.com>. Email accounts God has closed down include: <info@ ceremoniallaw.bc> and <repent@thefloodiscoming.doom>.

God’s current personal email address, for Trinitarian use only, is <love.rules77@gmail.com>.

God uses an Apple PC laptop He bought from the future after they merged. It has a 2.6 zettabyte processor, more RAM than at an Israelite “forgiveness fest” and 144,000 hard drives that are 12 yottabytes (to the power of seven tredecillion) each in storage capacity. His screen has a resolution of 1024 quintillion by 768 quintillion, and the total thickness of the laptop is .5mm.

When docked to His throne’s desktop, He uses a cordless lightning mouse with a heat-resistant asbestos 2.0 mouse mat (not dangerous like the asbestos 1.0 version) and has a centillion DPI 3-D printer.

He has an F1-smart internet connection that loads everything one day into the future before it is wanted.

God has been into computing since He was a boy, when He enjoyed pulling them apart to see how they worked. His first programming effort was a simple program that wrote “hello world” across the universe with the stars.

His favourite game, before The Sims series came out, was Tetris. Hours of practice proved to be very handy when it was time to build the New Jerusalem, which is one big cube.

“Book of Life” is the social networking system He spends hours on and always has the instant messaging system “Prayer Live” running.

Did you know: God sold the 'Gmail' domain (originally standing for God mail) to Google in 2004 for an undisclosed amount of money. It is reported to have funded the creation of several solar systems in a universe called “Botszealand.”


COPYRIGHT

Scott Wegener holds the copyright to this piece, along with everything else on www.ScottPublished.com , but he may well let you use it elsewhere, just ask!
This was written by Scott Wegener to accommodate a specific brief. If you want something written specifically for your needs, just ask for a quote!