Scott Wegener is a multi award-winning creative writer who believes in looking on the lighter side of life’s predicaments but still values how serious life is. This site features a wide variety of Scott's published and performed works. If you want to use any of these pieces, or commission something origional, contact Scott Wegener

Jun 21, 2008

What is the will of God?

The Edge, June 21, 2008

For some, this is the ultimate question. People would pay a fortune to know and be a part of the will of God. What these people fail to realise is God is never going to die! So what does it matter what’s in God’s will? However, if God were to die, just to satisfy the askee, this is what God would leave to his children:

  • 1447 “Instant Galaxy Mix” sachets
  • 77,712 pallet loads of “Gravity in a Box”
  • 707 KWs of “Lightning in a Can”
  • 712 “Let there be Light”TM bulbs of various apparent magnitudes 
  • One giant “Heaven Army Knife”—recently sharpened
  • 127 kilometres of aluminium foil
  • 12,144 tons of gold pavers
  • The only copy of the billion-page Book Of Life (made out of 100 per cent recycled paper) The entire collection of Weet-Bix collector card sets
  • A BMW M12
  • 2324 robes of light
  • 4648 slippers of light
  • The complete Gaither Homecoming HeavenRay-disk collection
  • The number 42
  • Seven never-been-used, gold plated, monogrammed hankies 
  • Three “always existed” certificates
  • A 12-player foosball table
  • 4040 angels at command
  • 12 “holiday” universes
  • Heaven (complete with BIW’s and LUG)
  • One manna fondue set

Liabilities:

  1. You must remember to pick up earth’s humans, give them an extreme makeover and bring them home to heaven.
  2. You must later relocate them back to earth, after giving earth a serious Backyard Blitz, and house them—happily ever after.
  3. Run all the other universes
  4. Tell a children’s story once a quarter.

Interesting Fact: None of God’s assets are covered by insurance if damaged by Himself.

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