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Aug 16, 2008

How do you know if you are a prophet?

The Edge, August 16, 2008

Many people are at a loss to know if they are a prophet.

However, there are some simple tests to know if you have made it to prophet status or are a plain old dreamer.

Recognising Disconcerting Visions or Dreams (DVDs) is one way to spot your propheteering attributes. Basically, a real DVD should make no sense at all but burn itself into your memory.

For example, a regular dream might involve seeing yourself meeting Mickey Mouse, while a DVD would involve seeing yourself meeting Mickey Mouse, who has a head of gold that is covered in horns, and is ironing his clay shoes while singing a Rolling Stones song.

Other signs that you’re a certified prophet include these common symptoms:
  • When you are writing, a voice in your head points out most spelling, grammatical and factual errors.
  • Everyone you curse out loud gets attacked by bears.
  • The song Chariots of Fire runs through your head when you see a plane fly over.
  • Senior people continually quote you out of context in aid of rebuking young people.
  • You know lottery numbers in advance but your stance against gambling means you never buy a ticket.
  • Almost everyone doesn’t appreciate your advice, which is always confronting but right.
  • All TV, movies, books, sermons, sports and “who done it”evenings are tediously predictable.
  • Every time you think about avoiding a task that comes to mind, you suddenly smell rotting fish and feel a little sea sick.

If any of the above are a part of your life, congratulations— you’re most likely a prophet. If not, we’re sorry but daydreaming is not tax deductable for you.

Having now read all this, we have inspired you to become a prophet—don’t call God, He’ll call you! 

Interesting Fact: If you are a prophet then ... well ... you know the rest.


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