Scott Wegener is a multi award-winning creative writer who believes in looking on the lighter side of life’s predicaments but still values how serious life is. This site features a wide variety of Scott's published and performed works. If you want to use any of these pieces, or commission something origional, contact Scott Wegener

Aug 1, 2016

Perfect Unemployment

 Signs of the Times, August 2016 

Imagine if we all got along. What an amazing world this would be to live in. No arguments, no fights, no greed, no hate, no lies. Almost sounds like the perfect society to live in, don’t you think?

However, before you run off and reconcile with all your nemeses in a quest for world peace, there’s one major problem with this dream: unemployment.

Can you imagine the job losses if everyone were nice all the time, in all circumstances?


Police would be out of job for starters as everyone does their honest best to do the right thing by everyone else. Everyone drives politely, within the community decided and accepted guidelines. No one steals, let alone murders another person, so detectives are also made redundant. Lawyers would need to find a new career as discussions of entitlement are quickly, logically and honestly sorted out without the high cost of any third parties. Even parking inspectors would only find cars legally parked – expiring their jobs too.

The armed forces also, fired. There’s no need for their services as all countries get along and are content with their borders.

Not only are the army, navy and air force personal dismissed around the world, the flow on job losses of winding up the world’s entire military would be epic. Think of all the defence manufacturing businesses closing down. No gun or ammunition production, no military planes, boats, tanks, personnel carriers or submarines. Bugle sales would drop, as would demand for large tents, camouflage cargo pants, boots, dog tags and khaki face paints. The millions of rivets alone which no longer need producing, or ‘popping’ – there’s a word recession right there.

As company directors also grow a conscience which is stronger than their greed, tobacco production would roll up, and the illegal drug makers and distributors will also come clean and be looking for a savoury job. And even alcoholic beverage production is drained as the drinking industry goes aclo-free having taken seriously the evidence of the harm their products are doing to our society. Even the company which makes all the straws for random breath tests – they’ll go bust too.

As people become content with how they look, and not worried about what others think, the makeup industry would be all but wiped off the face of the earth. An additional factor in the demise of this industry is that people would no longer be found judging other peoples complexion.

As morals become the king of society the ever creative advertising industry would have to take its own commercial break from the truth twisting temptation industry it’s become as it straightens into a informative fact sharing industry where the consumer can decide, without any tricks, whether a product is right for them.

Speaking of advertising changes, telemarketers would now politely ask up front if we were interested in their product, and profusely apologise for inconveniencing us if we said no, (one time only), and then they would send out gift vouchers as compensation for wasting our time. They’d sure be out of business in no time for the compensation costs alone.

Agencies who provide political advertising would lose all work as electing a leader for our country would turn from today’s popularity contest into a simple, “who’s the brightest” contest. If all politicians were equally as nice, and honest, elections would be based on IQ alone. Many of today’s elected politicians may lose their jobs, if they’re found not to be too bright when the glare of their spinning speak is wiped away.

There would be no more antivirus programmers needed, lock makers would be wound up, security system manufactures disarmed, and capsicum spray bottlers released. Even the pornography and brothel industries would suffer as people become wholly faithful to their partners.

We would also be able to save the earth from any threat of human caused destruction as every nation and industry worked together to combat pollution, forest management, ocean harvesting and food and wealth distribution. That’s particularly bad news for all the scientists out there specifically figuring out how we can survive on a barren, lifeless, airless dustbowl outside this perfect suited planet we’ve got now. If everyone worked together to care for our earth, what terrible job losses for those chasing a plan B for us.

So, with all that unemployment, you can see how world-economy saving humanity’s selfishness really is.

Let me assure you, however, if everyone did lose their selfish tendencies overnight and got along perfectly, the world economy wouldn’t be completely ruined. Thankfully, humanity still has one other trait which would save a complete world unemployment avalanche: our mortality.

Pathologists and surgeons. Nursers and Doctors. Dentists and mechanical chair manufacturers. Syringe makers and needle disposal services. Pharmaceutical companies and bandage winding machine engineers. Spectacle and dencher fitters and manufacturers. Tooth paste and haemoid cream concocters. Chemotherapy and amputation specialists. Cerebral Palsy and Ménière's disease researchers. Allergy specialists and spinal fusers. Undertakers, coffin builders and cremation oven thermometer technicians. Tomb stone engravers and grave diggers... Phew!

How comforting to know we will always have sickness, injuries and deaths to help our economy!

Ok, truth be told, most of the things I’ve mirthed about just make me cry if I think seriously about them. If only it were all just a joke.

There is only one time in all of earth’s recorded history when the whole world was at peace and was without selfishness. Sadly it didn’t last long and you and I weren’t born in time to experience it.

This time of perfect society was recorded in a book called Genesis, which now sits as the first book of The Bible. It tells how at the end of Creation week God hand created a man and woman and breathed life into them. Their nature was perfect. Not a selfish thought to be found. Not only that, but living in harmony with God meant there were no possibilities of sickness, injury or death as humans could live in God’s perpetual life giving presence for eternity. You’ve heard it said before, but THOES really where the glory days!

Tragically, at some point just before this, the story goes that one of God’s highest positioned angels, Lucifer, wanted to be promoted beyond his created purpose. After not being granted his increasing desire for self importance, he came to earth angry with God, and conned a third of the angels to come with him. His mission? He couldn’t beat God, too vein to rejoin God, so he set out to hurt God as best he could – attacking and stealing the allegiance of His most loved creations.

Lucifer picked up the new name Satan and got straight to work tempting God’s pinnacle of creation, who were created in His very own image, Humans. Satan conned the first Humans to stray from their very own loving Creator and ended up driving them to a life of selfishness, suffering and death as a result. This was and is Satan’s long term plan to hurt God’s heart as much as possible, and the nature of mankind has never been the same as their original perfectly created selves since.

But, if you look at the bright side, after Adam and Eve took the bait offered by Satan, and as humanity keeps thinking up new ways to sink lower... unemployment could be a lot worse if we’d stuck to Gods original perfect plan for us, right?

Ok, seriously now, there is some good news, according to the Bible. God has not forgotten us, and He even sent His own son to earth some 2000 years ago, not to punish our evilness, but to offer a path back to the original perfect life humans were created to experience. See John 3:16.

Of course us humans, in our own wisdom, killed the son of God, Jesus, didn’t we. Thankfully that now plays an important part in salvaging the human race. Jesus rose from the dead and promises to soon come back and collect anyone who is keen to follow Him home.

Until then, we’re all stuck riding the rough seas of a disintegrating humanity together. No matter what your religious views are, humanity is decaying. There’s two things we CAN all do, however: 1. comfort and support each other through the stomach churching ride of a self destructing earth, and 2. Join the rebellion against the one who has caused all the trouble and hurt to humanity, and pledge allegiance to the loving God who offers restoration of our race and a life of selfless days, complete with no more sickness or death.

It’s an exciting offer I’m certainly accepting, and you can too, if you can be at peace with all the job losses it will entail.

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