Scott Wegener is a multi award-winning creative writer who believes in looking on the lighter side of life’s predicaments but still values how serious life is. This site features a wide variety of Scott's published and performed works. If you want to use any of these pieces, or commission something origional, contact Scott Wegener

Dec 24, 2016

Royal Christmas

Performance: Lilydale Seventh-day Adventist Church - December 24, 2016
Brief: A Christmas drama to introduce a sermon on 'What if Jesus was treated like royalty. What if Jesus never suffered'.


[ Door opens and Jo enters, crickets are heard in the background, moon/ stars on the screen]

Jo: Here we are. [looks around] This will have to do sorry. It’s like the last place available.
[put travel bag on ground]

[ Mary enters, holding back and heavily pregnant]

Mary: Oh, what a day! My back’s killing me!

Jo: I bet, and spare a thought for the donkey!

Mary: What??

Jo: Nothing!

Mary: [Suspicious stare for a moment]. Do you think we’ll make it to Bethlehem tomorrow then?

Jo: Yes, Should make it before dark, no problems.

Mary: Great. You know, this child being from God, you think He could have planned it around the census.

Jo: Well, it’s not uncommon to have unplanned babies.

Mary: Right? It was an accidental miraculous conception of the Messiah?

Jo: Stranger things have happened.

Mary: Ummm.... No... they... haven’t.

Jo: True.

Mary: Oh, I wish we were in Bethlehem already.

Jo: Well, if we didn’t stop for so many bathroom breaks we WOULD have made it tonight.

Mary: Mate, next time I hope the Lord miraculously gives YOU the child to carry, and we’ll see how you like jolting on a donkey for a couple of days, with a child tap-dancing on your bladder.

Jo: Fair enough.

Mary: I really think you should book a place in Bethlehem, just to be sure.

Jo: Nah, there’ll be heaps of options in town. Certainly better than this: [wipes hand on object for dust] this place is hardly fit for animals!

Mary: Well I’m exhausted. Think I’m going straight to bed. Thanks for your care again today. Sorry if I get snappy. I’m just stressed about this whole responsibility of raising the Messiah. I hope we can do a good job.

Jo: You know, I lie awake at night thinking about that too. Why us? What do we know about kids?! How will he get educated? How can we get him into power to begin his Kingdom rule?

Mary: I can’t see how we can make it happen. Such responsibility...

Jo: I guess we can only pray and do our best.

[sit for a moment in silence]

Jo: We’ll I’m going to find some hay for Don and then get to bed myself. Sweet dreams Mary [kisses on the forehead ] See you in the morning.

Mary: Love you sweet.

Jo: Love you

[Jo leaves, lights fade for 5 seconds, sound FX change from crickets to morning bird songs, sunrise on screen, Innkeeper puts up BETHLEHEM signs and Full Full Vacancy signs on partition. Jo comes in and facing Mary, gently calls]

Jo: Time to get up, wakie wakie, time to get up. It’s morning!

[Mary groans]

Mary: Already?

Jo: Yep it’s a beautiful day. I think we can actually see Bethlehem too, now we have sunlight.

Mary: Ok, let's get this over with! [yawns] You know, I think I might walk today. I’m feeling much better this morning.

Jo: Oh, ok.  Good for you.

[Both walk out door and come back in, close door and walk to other side of the stage, stars on screen again]

Mary: Bethlehem! Well, that was quick!

Jo: I guess time flies when you're carrying the Messiah!

Mary: Umm... Jo... I can’t help but notice ALL the inns have ‘Full’ signs showing.

Jo: All but that last one!

Mary: Oh, praise the Lord! [at Jo] Lucky!

[As they approach the door on the other side of the stage the Innkeeper comes out and hangs a Full sign up]

Jo: You’ve gotta be kidding me!

Mary: Told you we should have booked!

Jo: No, I’m going to get us a room. We didn’t travel all this way, carrying the Messiah of the world, to be left on the street.

[Bangs on the door - muffled voice comes through the door]

Innkeeper: We’re full, sorry.

Jo: I just need to ask you something, kind sir?

Innkeeper: Is this about my taxes?
Jo: No, I’m not a tax collector.

Innkeeper: Are you selling rat traps? We’re not interested. We’ve installed a cat in every room already.

Jo: No, no.

Innkeeper: [opens door] You’re not here to inspect our kitchen? [turns head and speaks fake excitedly] “Marge, the kitchen inspector’s here, do come out once you finish [through teeth] emptying the compost.” So nice of you to visit, can I get you a drink perhaps?

Jo: No no, I just need a room for my wife - she’s pregnant.

In-keeper: Oh, pregnant... how lovely [smiles and betters eyelids, then abruptly] Sorry, we’re full!

[closes door but Jo gets his foot in to stop it closing.]

Jo: Wait, it’s not just any baby. She’s carrying the Messiah.

Innkeeper: She’s carrying the Messiah?

Jo: Yes! Yes she is!

Innkeeper: Oh, I SEEEE.... how wonderful. You know if I had a shekel every time I’ve heard that one, I’d be a retired man by now. Sorry sir. We’re full, nothing I can do.

Jo: It’s true! The Lord Himself appeared to us in a dream. Told us we would have His child.

In-keeper: Ok ok, here we go again. Alright, tell me this then. If you are having the Messiah, who do the Scriptures say he is to descend from?

Jo: Abraham and David!

In-Keeper: Right, and who do you descend from?

Jo: Why... Abraham and David!

Innkeeper: See, you couldn’t possibly.....[interested] oh....  And what part did you play in all this?

Jo: None! None at all, that’s just it! Mary just fell pregnant {points to Mary, who gives a cheesy bashful smile and wave}. An angel appeared to us and told us it was the Messiah.

Innkeeper: An angel? You really are carrying the Messiah?

Mary: Yes.

Innkeeper: You're carrying the Messiah? [Turns head] Marge, clear out the spare room, we’re sleeping in there tonight. [ back to Mary] The Messiah’s here! You can have our room!

Mary: Oh, the spare room’s ok.

Innkeeper: No no, take our room. It’s much more roomy. How close is He to coming, if you don’t mind me asking?

Jo: Oh, any day now.

Innkeeper: Oh, this is marvellous. [mutters] This will be great for business!

Mary: What??

In-keeper: Oh, you must come meet my missus. Come, come.

[ All exit, lights dim, and then a young baby crying sound effect and lights on.
Knock sounds at other side of stage. Innkeeper comes out of door and walks across stage to open door.]

Innkeeper: Coming! [open door] Oh, sorry, we don’t have any sheep that need shepherding. Sorry.
A baby? No, no lambs here.... A child.... OH!! Yes, the Messiah in fact. How did you know?... you saw angels.... Late night was it? Owls keep you up?.... I see, well, He’s not ready for visitors yet, but do come back in a week or so. And make sure you dress up a little better when you return, this IS the Messiah you're visiting! Good day. [closes door]

Wow, word does travel fast! [walks across stage then another knock. Pauses, grumbles and turns back to the door and opens it roughly]

I thought I said.... Oh, hello. How can I help you three, noble sirs?... Are those for me???... Oh the Messiah, right! Of course. What have we here? A bit of spare change and perfume. Well, I suppose these will have to do. All you could scramble together at such short notice I guess. Look, the jewellers open on the corner of main and 5th at 9am. Why don’t you pop down there and pick something up for Jesus, and... Yes, Jesus they’ve named him, and when you return they’ll probably be out of bed. It’s been a very long night, as you could imagine... ok then... byebye now.

[Walks across stage and back through another door - a stage hand changes the scene partition revealing a priest with his back to the audience - A few moments later Mary and youthful Jesus enter stage]
Jesus: Wow, so THIS is what the temple looks like. Bea-u-ti-ful!

Mary: It is, isn’t it. Hey look, there’s a priest, why don’t you go and ask him all your questions? Perhaps he’ll be able to answer them for you. I’ll go do some shopping with your dad.

Jesus: Thanks Mother. Don’t forget me!

[ Mary leaves, Jesus approaches priest ]

Jesus: Excuse me, kind sir.

[Priests turns around - scroll in hand - and speaks in a condescending way]

Priest: Can I help you?

Jesus: Yes, I have some questions perhaps you can answer for me.

Priest: I’m sure I have the answers but whether you will understand them young boy... you may be wasting my time. I have important business to tend to, boy.

Jesus: I apologise for interrupting you. But I do have some difficult questions no one can seem to answer.

Priest: [mutters - ‘This shouldn’t take long’] What is it you seek to know, boy?

Jesus: What value will the Messiah will bring to the Jewish nation?

Priest: Why, the Messiah, when he arrives, will become leader of our Jewish nation and lead us to a thousand years of peace, like never seen before.

Jesus: Not even seen in Eden, before the fall?

Priest: Not even... err, well, I suppose it will be similar to Eden, yes.

Jesus: But what about the prophet Isaiah's words:
oBut he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed.”
How does that fit in with this reign of peace?

Priest: Ummmm. I’m not sure I recall that particular scroll... What is the interest you have in the Messiah. [mirthful] Are you thinking you’re he?

[Jesus looks innocently but lovingly at priest]

Priest: [befuddled] Really? [under breath -’Another one who claims to be the Messiah’] OK then. Where were you born, sonny Jim.

Jesus: I was born in Bethlehem, as the prophet Micah stated.

Priest: Augh yes, but Hosea says He would come out of Egypt.

Jesus: I have lived in Egypt also, and come from Nazareth.

Priest: But many have tried to live in such places to fulfill the prophecies, but the true Messiah must have been born of a virgin, and there seems only one credible claim to this, and that is of Mary, married to Joseph, some 12 years ago now.

Jesus: That is my mother. Yes.

Priest: You see... What?? [stunned] Mary is your mother?

Jesus: Yes.

Priest: Born of Bethlehem... out of Egypt, and Nazareth?

Jesus: Not by choice.

Priest: Tell me, who do you descend from?

[Jesus and Priest together ] “Abraham and David”

Priest: You...are....the Messiah. You’re the Messiah!! YOU’RE THE ONE!

[Herod walks in (Jo actor but with a crown and extra gown) and sits in a throne that has been in the background]

[Priest bows] The Messiah! King Herod, THE MESSIAH IS HERE!

[Herod - not amused] Really...

[Priest] Yes, this is the man who will bring peace to our nation.

[Herod] You don’t think I’m doing a good enough job?

[Priest] Oh Herod, you have been the mightiest of the mighty, only a Messiah could take your place.

[Herod] That is right.

[Priest] And.... Here is the Messiah.

[awkward silence]

[Herod] So you expect me to simply stand aside and give up my rule? Or should I kill you both for treason?!

[Priest] Yes!

[Herod] Yes what?

[Priest] Yes...please?

[Herod] No: ‘yes’ give up my throne or ’yes’ have you killed?

[Priest] Oh, Yes, Give up your throne for... [dramatically] The One!

[Herod- not looking amused for a moment, then switches to cheer] ...Ok! Here, come, take my robe, take my crown. I just got it polished this morning. And here take my throne, but just be careful. Don’t lean back tooo far or it tips. It’s quite embarrassing.
Is there anything else I can get you, a drink perhaps, a news scroll, or how about I wash your feet?

[Jesus] Um, no no, I think I’ll just be about my Father’s business restoring this kingdom.

[Herod] Of course! Let me go get the to-do list. There’s a lot of buildings to open this week. You’ve caught us at a very busy time.

[Jesus] No, I’m not here to open buildings. I’m here to save my people.

[Herod] Of course, my apologies, how thoughtless of me. Let me go and get.....[dramatically] the basket!

[Jesus] The basket?

[Herod] No. [dramatically] The Basket!.... [goes out back]

[Jesus] What is [dramatically] The Basket?

[Herod] It’s the Too Hard Basket. It’s got all the problems of the kingdom I can’t solve. [now enters with a massive basket chocked full of scrolls.

[Jesus] Ok. Well let's get to it, where do we start?

[Herod] Ok.. food shortage, this famine we’re in at the moment is a major one.

[Jesus] No problems, solved. Next?

[Herod] Great! And there’s... wait, what do you mean solved? You can’t just tick these off, you actually have to solve them, don’t you?

[Jesus] Yeah, I did!

[Priest walks in with bread roll.] Hey guys, the Egyptians just dropped off leftovers from Joseph’s storerooms - and it’s all still fresh and there’s baskets for EVERYONE in the kingdom! Apparently they need the space.

[Herod] Cool! That was easy. Ok, next up. The Romans, you know they are pushing us around.

[Jesus] Gone. Next?

[Herod] Gone?

[Jesus] Yep. They left 10 minutes ago. We won’t be hearing from them again. I tell you, not one stone will be thrown off another in this kingdom.

[Herod] Right, I see, very good! Umm, here’s a tough one. Leprosy - it’s a real problem this year.

[Jesus] Healed.

[Herod] Healed? You can’t heal leprosy?

[Jesus] You're right. If there's no leprosy, you can’t heal it, can you?

[Herod]  There’s no more leprosy?

[Jesus] Goneski.

[Herod] WOW! Ok. [Herod looks through basket and Jesus hops down and sleeps] what else have we here. Rats, water pollution, that large crack on the palace wall. What would you like to tackle next?... 

[Jesus] It's been a big day, do you mind if we continue on in the morning? I wouldn't mind going to bed.
[Herod] Of course! [begins to point behind curtain] go down the hall and turn left, left, left, right, left. It's the room with the double doors.

[Jesus] Thanks [exits]


[Priest walks in]

[Priest] We have to take Jesus to Bethlehem. There’s a riot over taxes and we really need to sort it out before dark.

[Herod] Ok, well.... he’s just started napping. Is it urgent?

[Priest] Yes!

[Herod] Ok, I’ll get him up... [ starts talking as he walks behimd scren ] Wakie wakie. Time to get up. We have to be going to Bethlehem. We want to get there before dark.

[Stage hand slides scene back to reveal Mary pregnant and sleeping as in Scene One]

[Herod/Jo] Come on, time to get up. We have to get going to Bethlehem. We don’t want to miss out on a room.

[Mary- sits up, inhaling quickly] Oh Jo, I just had the most amazing dream! Jesus was born, and he became king and rules over our land, and.. well... you were Herod, and became his assistant.

[Jo] You think I’m like Herod?

[Mary] No, not at all. Quite the opposite.

[Jo] Well, come on, I’ve seen a LOT of travellers go past this morning. Now I’m getting nervous about getting a room in Bethlehem.

[Mary] Don’t worry about it Jo. I think everything going to work out just perfectly. After all, God is on our side!

[both exit]


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