Scott Wegener is a multi award-winning creative writer who believes in looking on the lighter side of life’s predicaments but still values how serious life is. This site features a wide variety of Scott's published and performed works. If you want to use any of these pieces, or commission something origional, contact Scott Wegener

Dec 17, 2016

Christmas Made Easy: Gift Giving

Performance: Castle Hill Seventh-day Adventist Church - December 17, 2016
Brief: A Christmas drama to fit the topic “The Gift of Giving”.

[Presenter] Welcome to chapter 9 of Christmas made easy.
We hope you enjoyed the previous chapter on how to avoid Christmas with your in-laws.
In this chapter we’re discussing the most up-to-date, scientifically verified, gift giving techniques that will ensure your Christmas gift opening ceremony will be a success.
The first thing to consider when buying a gift for someone this Christmas, is how much you will spend on each person. Make sure you spend enough to suitably impress.

Brendan: Oh wow, a book. Thanks

[Presenter] But definitely don’t underspend.

Joshua: Oh wow, a page from a book... no... half a page.


[Presenter] But likewise, don’t overspend either.

Matthew: Oh wow, a new BMW!

[Presenter] Or you may not be able to keep up in years ahead

Matthew: I can’t wait until I see what you get me next year - I’d love my own corporate Jet!

[Presenter]  If you can’t afford to buy presents, then it’s acceptable to re-gift presents from last year. But just be careful you don’t give a gift back to the person who gave it to you in the first place

Ruth: Oh wow, a ‘world’s greatest dad” mug, thanks dad!

[Presenter] If you don’t know a person very well, but are required to give a gift to them, Make sure you buy a safe generic present. Avoid purchasing niche presents

Brendan: Oh wow, a hair straightener... thanks uncle Ray.

[Presenter] Be careful not to give gifts which are suggestive

Ally: Hey Granddad, I got you a 12 pack of deodorant and mouthwash.

[Presenter] When wrapping a gift, the box size is important.
It should be big enough to be impressive at first sight - bringing subconscious glory to your name,

Joshua: Oh wow, I can't wait to see what this is.

[Presenter] But be careful not to have an inappropriately oversized box that brings inflated expectations, which will be crushed upon opening the gift.

Matthew: Oh wow, stand aside peoples, I’ve been given a... bag of paper-clips??

[Presenter] If you’re wrapping multiple gifts, take special care to correct names of recipients on each gift to avoid embarrassment

Ruth: Oh wow... a hunting knife
Joshua: Oh wow... nail polish

[Presenter] Occasionally you may find yourself in an awkward situation where you forgot to buy someone a gift. If this happens to you, do not stress. Simply make up a polite story.

Brendan: Your gift didn’t arrive in time, sorry Aunty Mavis, we ordered it from the UK weeks ago..

[Presenter] But don’t overdo the story to make it unbelievable.

Matthew: An elephant stole it from the postal truck and sat on it - What are the chances!?

[Presenter] Finally, part of the gift giving procedure of Christmas also includes receiving gifts.
When you first receive a gift, be politely thankful.

Ruth: Oh, you shouldn’t have, thanks.

[Presenter] But don’t over do it.

Brendan: A gift!....for me!..... Really?.... No!.... Really? ... No!.... You shouldn’t have!..... Are you sure?..... You really shouldn't have!..... For me?..... Really?..... No....

[Presenter] And upon opening a gift, and realising it is either tasteless or inappropriate, simply politely fake a little joy.

Joshua: Oh....why.... Goodie..... A wooden spoon. Thank you.

[Presenter] Do not under any circumstance OVER express joy

Matthew: Oh WOW!!!!! TWO WOODEN SPOONS!!! THIS IS AWESOME!!!! Not one - TWO!!! THIS IS THE GREATEST CHRISTMAS EVER!!! WOOOOHHOO!!

[Presenter] Or it could backfire

Ally: Oh I didn't know you liked them so much. I have a whole garage full - well I guess I have your birthday and Christmas presents sorted then... for the rest of your life! And here I thought you’d have preferred money like I’ll give your sisters.


[Presenter] Congratulations. You have completed the “Gift giving” chapter.
In the next chapter we look at the safest food options to serve for Christmas dinner when you have a large number of people attending - but only ONE bathroom.
We hope you enjoyed this tutorial. Remember to subscribe and comment below.
Thanks for watching, I’m [make up a presenters name you want to be called].

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