Scott Wegener is a multi award-winning creative writer who believes in looking on the lighter side of life’s predicaments but still values how serious life is. This site features a wide variety of Scott's published and performed works. If you want to use any of these pieces, or commission something origional, contact Scott Wegener

Apr 15, 2017

The Operator

Performance: Castle Hill Seventh-day Adventist Church - April 15, 2017

Brief: Jesus love is for eternity

Guy sitting on right side of stage - only heard out of right speaker, girl on left side heard in left speaker. An Operator is out of sight and is voice-over only

Boy: Hello, operator?

Operator: Hello Stephen, how may I help you tonight, would you like to be connected through to one, nine, seven, eight again?

Boy: Yes please!

Operator:  Certainly, one moment, please hold

[phone rings for girl]
 
Girl: Hello?

Operator:  I have a young man wanting to talk with you again, shall I connect you?"

Girl: Oh, yes please!

Operator:  Connecting now, enjoy

 [ begins mushy love-struck conversation ] 

Girl: Hello Steve

Boy: Hi Bec, what cha doin?

Girl: Nothing,... thinking about you. 

Boy: Me to.... I love you, snookums.

Girl: I love you too, schmoopsy.

 
Boy: Not as much as I love you.

Girl: Uh uhh. (no)

Boy: No, I love you more.

Girl: I love YOU more.

Boy: I love you more than my arms can reach.

Girl: I love you more than the height of a giraffe.

Boy: I love you more than a football field .

Girl: AFL or League? 

Boy: Whatever's wider.

Girl: Well I love you the width of Australia.

Boy: I love you the coastline of Australia.

Girl: I love you the length of the equator.

Boy: I love you to the moon... AND back.

Girl: I love you around the sun, out to Pluto, back around the sun and home. 

Boy: I love you to the infinite width of the universe.

Girl: Well I love you infinity, plus 1.

Boy: I love you infinity, plus infinity.

Girl: I love you infinity times infinity.

Boy: I love you infinity to the power of infinity.

Girl: Well, I love you infinity to the power of infinity, times infinity, to the power infinity, plus infinity! 

Boy: Ok then, let's ask the operator, who loves who more ... Are you there, sir? 

Operator: Always!

Boy: Look, you hear everything, right? 

Operator: That's my job.

Boy: Ok, this might be a tricky question, but can you tell us, who loves the other person most? 

Operator: Oh that's an easy one.

Boy: It is? 

Operator: Yes... I do.

Girl: Errr, you do? 

Operator: Absolutely!

Girl: You do realize we love each other to infinity?

Boy:B And beyond!

Operator: I know, you are very much in love. It's a wonderful thing you have together. But I have to inform you, even though you profess to have infinite love for each other... well... I don't just have infinite love to share, I, by definition, AM love itself. 

Girl: You... ARE... love? 

Operator: Yes. It's not something I just have. It's something I am. So no mater how much love you have for each other - I am all that love AND every other measure of love in all the universe. It all comes from me and is for you. 

B Oh, but do you love us for our entire life? 

Operator: Well, not exactly.

Girl: Oh, well, I'll love Steve for 1000 years.

B I'll love you 10,000 years.

Girl: Well I'll love you... 

Operator: Ok, sorry to cut the bidding short. But this love I have for you, and I'm really not saying this to brag, but I don't just love you during your life on earth, I loved you for eternity before you were even born, and will love you for eternity ever after. 

B Impressive, but I'm willing to die for my little turtle dove. 

Operator: Oh, ummm 

B Got ya there! 

Operator: No, well, you see, I've... I've already died for you both. 

B Really?? 

Operator: It's the truth. It was the only way I could bring you all home so we can catch up on the time lost time these first few years of your eternal life. 

Girl: Say, your God, right?

Operator: Good, that brings the rest of the audience up to speed, yes. 

Girl: Why are you spending your time with the mundane job of connecting with people, haven't you got galaxy's to create? 

Operator: Well, let's just say it helps me keep in contact with everyone, until you come home. But I must say I don't particularly like this job connecting with everyone. 

Both: No?? 

Operator: No.... I love it! Do call again!...

ALL: I Love you.

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