Scott Wegener is a multi award-winning creative writer who believes in looking on the lighter side of life’s predicaments but still values how serious life is. This site features a wide variety of Scott's published and performed works. If you want to use any of these pieces, or commission something origional, contact Scott Wegener

Mar 16, 2019

Safe Seats [Church Welcome]

Brief: A church service Welcome
Performance: Castle Hill Seventh-day Adventist Church - May 18, 2019

Welcome to castle hill seventh day Adventist Church this morning.

If you’re a regular attender here, you’re probably all settled in your usual seating area by now. However...

If you’re a visitor it can be hard to know where to sit.

You know when you visit a new city and you don’t know where all the unsafe areas are.

Well, if this is your first time here you can’t possibly know where all the badly behaved people are sitting in our congregation. So I’m going to help you by holding a little survey and you can take notes.

I’m NOT going to ask who’s done what. But I am going to survey you all to see what punishments you’ve been through and that will give an indication of where the naughty people are?

Hands up who here has:
  1. Sent to room
  2. Write lines
  3. detention
  4. Suspended
  5. Expelled
  6. Cane
  7. Strap
  8. Smack
  9. Phone, tablet or game console banned for a period of time.
  10. Been put into stocks in the town center?
  11. who’s Never been punished (you will be required to wash the oven trays after church lunch today)
Wow so in conclusion, we’ve got quite a naughty collection of people here.

And despite the rumors, sitting up the balcony with the youth is where you are least likely to get pick pocketed!



Welcome to everyone here, a place where you’re all accepted, to worship a father in heaven who freely forgives you, and with great sincerity We hope everyone is drawn closer to our loving father in heaven today - that, and that no one finds today’s service too punishing. - no pressure Pr.

Blessings to you all.

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