Scott Wegener is a multi award-winning creative writer who believes in looking on the lighter side of life’s predicaments but still values how serious life is. This site features a wide variety of Scott's published and performed works. If you want to use any of these pieces, or commission something origional, contact Scott Wegener

Feb 1, 2013

Bible Heroes 2.oh

Performance: Lilydale Seventh-day Adventist Church - February 2, 2013
Edinburgh College Chapel - November 16, 2015
The brief given to Scott: A short play introducing the month's theme "Bible Heroes" 

X-on: Commander Zorg.

Zorg: Yes, What is it X-on?

X-on: I bring disappointing news.

Zorg: Oh really, what is that?

X-on: Those human Bible heroes we cloned from earth.

Zorg: Oh yes, my ingenious plan to rule the galaxy by re-birthing the greatest
ever heroes of all time. Has the cloning not worked as drafted?


X-on: Not at all, the cloning went perfectly well. Each Biblical hero is exactly the
same DNA, training and skills as when in their prime in the Bible, as requested.

Zorg: Well what is the problem?

X-on: Well . . . they’re a terrible bunch, sir.

Zorg: Yes, that’s why we created them, to bring terror on the surrounding
planets.

X-on: No, I mean they are hardly material for leading our legions.

Zorg: What do you mean? We chose the greatest of the greats, in wisdom,
courage and military lead head counts, how can these be anything else than all
powerful? They are by far the greatest of our entire galaxy, statistically speaking.

X-on: Well . . . there’s something different about them. It’s like they’re missing
something.

Zorg: Impossible, the cloning included every single earthy attribute. We missed
nothing!
X-on: Yes, sir, you’re right, but I went back and read through the Bible and have
come across an anomaly.

Zorg: An anomonimionaly??

X-on: An anomaly, yes sir?

Zorg: What is that?

X-on: An anomaly is an inconsistency in . . .

Zorg: I know what an anomonionalmly is, I just can’t pronounce it.

X-on: Right, Sir, well, it seems the missing element in each of our Bible hero’s is
God.

Zorg: God?

X-on: God. . . With a capital G.

Zorg: Each Bible hero had the power of God behind them?

X-on: Yes Sir

Zorg: Without God, they are somewhat average, you say.

X-on: Below average in some cases, yes sir.

[both begin to exit]

Zorg: [sigh] right . . . well . . . what about that planet of apes ruling over the
humans. Can we get some of their DNA?

X-on: [confused with the silly suggestion] Ummm that was just a story, sir.

Zorg: Of course . . . I knew that. . . .

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