Jesus ATM [a church skit about if Jesus gave you everything you prayed for]

NEWMAN: Oh, what a day. So tired. Shower or bed? Shower or… [yawns] bed!

[steps out back door, then there’s an instant knock]

You got to be kidding me. Better not be one of those sales people!

[opens fake door at front of sage]

Jesus?! Hey, come in! I’m so glad you’re here!

JC:  I’m delighted to be here! Thanks for the invitation to move in with you.

NEWMAN: Wow, I can’t believe you’re here!

JC:  What?

NEWMAN: [puzzled at first] Oh no! I believe! I believe - you’re here! Here, I’ve got a little bit of room for you, um, over there. I’m so excited to have you living with me!

JC:  Yeah, me too! I’ve always wanted to hang you with you more than just Saturday mornings.

NEWMAN: Hey, now that you’re here, you can help me. Someone was reading something about you the other day at church.

 JC:  Oh-oh!

NEWMAN: Nah, nah, It’s all good. Let me find it… Where’s my Bible? Is it true that I can ask anything in your name and you’ll do it?

 JC:  Does the Bible say that?

NEWMAN: Yeah… here, look, here.

JC:  Huh. So it does. Well… I guess if it is written then who am I to argue!

NEWMAN: There you go. So… I can ask anything, hey?

JC:  Well… I know that’s literally what is translated, but...

NEWMAN: We’ll you’ll be a great house mate then, won’t you!

JC:  [defeated] Ha, I guess so.

NEWMAN: [jokes] Could you pass the salt, please, Jesus?

JC:  Here [hands salt from bag]

NEWMAN: Nice one! All I need now is some Mashed Potato, Jesus?

JC:  Here. [hands mashed potato]

NEWMAN: What? Wow! You ARE good. What about some chips, Jesus?

Bethlehem TV/Radio Commercials [christmas filler scripts]

Very short commercial breaks to put in-between segments in a Christmas program.
Can be presented live or pre-recorded on video.
Could have some cheesy background music.
Ideally announced with "And now, time for a  word form one of our sponsors".

Stable Stench Freshener
Does your stable smell of donkey do-do?
Does working in your stable for more than a few minutes make you nauseous?
Do you want to have guests over, but you’re embarrassed by the reek in your stable?
Cleanse the foul odour in your animal shelter with: Stable-Stench Fresheners!
Simply hang the Stable-Stench Freshener from the roof and the room’s smell will be neutralised with the delightful aroma of dried fish.
Never again will your guest complain of an overpowering smell of poop.
Stable-Stench Fresheners - Available now from all good two-shekel shops.

Mr Bean Bakes [Mr Bean MasterChef social script]

 

“Hi Guys. Welcome to a masterclass on how to make quick and easy meringues. Honestly, the method I’m going to show you today is so easy, anyone can do it. And to prove that to you, let's have our member from the audience join me, please.”

Bean wonders in rather obliviously

"Over here, sir. What's your name?"

"Bean"

[Phone rings] “Oh excuse me, Mr, Bean. [“Hi, I’m a little busy. You’re what? Ok, I’ll come out to you.”] Sorry folks I just have to duck out to the car park. Be right back!”

 

Bring Your Gifts [christmas drama about using your gifts for God]

[Bob and Darron come down opposite isles and meet in middle of stage.]

BOB: Hey Dazza!! Merry Christmas! 

DARRON: Hi Bob! Merry Christmas to you, too!  

BOB: Haven’t seen you at church in ages! 

DARRON: Yeah, how have you been? 

BOB: Great, and you? 

DARRON: Ok. What you up to for Christmas?

BOB: Well, I just picked up another car to restore over the holidays actually. 

DARRON: Oh really? What did you get this time? 

BOB: A go-ggo mobil, actually! 

DARRON: A what? 

BOB: Go-ggo mobil. 

DARRON: Ok? 

BOB: It’s in good nick, I just have to work on the engine and I’ll have it G, O, G-G, O-ing in no time! 

DARRON: You’re an amazing mechanic. Is there anything you can’t get running? 

BOB: Ha, so far so good. I guess I’m just gifted in that area - but don’t ask me to sing!
How about you? What are you up to for Christmas?

DARRON: We were planning on going down to Melbourne to see Mum. She hasn’t been very well lately. Unfortunately our car’s motor is out of action at the moment, and I just don’t have the funds to take it to a mechanic right now. So we’ll probably be staying home. 

BOB: What car have you got? 

DARRON: An old Tarago. 

BOB: Oh, I had one of them once. I tell you, I spent hours on our Tarago, I reckon I could still teardown and reassemble a Tarago engine in my sleep!... Those were the days.
[pause]
Well, I gotta run. I’m busting to get into the garage. Nice to see you though. Hope you find a way to get your car fixed for Christmas. Actually… I tell you what…. [pause]  I’ll remember you in my prayers. 

DARRON: Thanks, Bob.
[Bob and Daron leave opposite sides to they came. Child takes to stage]
 

CHILD:
Bob has a gift, but he’s not using it for Jesus.
Don’t be like Bob.
Be wise. Bring your gifts to Jesus.
I tell you: whatever you do for your brothers and sisters, you do for Jesus.

Castle Hill Seventh-day Adventist Church -  December 23, 2023  

Dad Job Interview [Father's Day script]

A fun drama skit on the theme Father's Day and how ill equipped new fathers can be for the unique challenges ahead.

MICHAEL: Hi, I’m Michael [shakes hand]

JIM: Hi, Jim.

MICHAEL: Nice to meet you, Jim, take a seat....  So, you’ve applied for the position of…Dad?!

JIM: [nervously] Yeah

MICHAEL: Have you had any experience as a Dad before?

JIM: No, not yet. But I’m eager to learn.

MICHAEL: Oh! First time as a Dad…… [doubtful] I see…..

JIM: [pause] ….You’ve got to start somewhere, right?

MICHAEL: Yes, well… It’s generally best to have experience before becoming a Dad

JIM: I know, I just haven’t had the opportunity before. I’m really keen to learn though.

MICHAEL: So, what is it that made you want to apply to be a Dad?

JIM: My wife actually, she was keen for me to apply. You know what they say, happy wife happy life.

MICHAEL: Ha! Yes, right. So let’s see: Have you any experience cleaning up Mucus? Sputum? Urine? Feces?

JIM: What?

MICHAEL: You know, snotty gobbles, spew spew, wee wees, poo poos. Any experience with such things?

Rule of Love [script]

A play for two, suggesting Jesus ruled with love - and that's a better idea then domination and revenge.
Has a science fiction theme and a fun list of song titles used as dialogue toward the end.

NOTE: This is a standalone script but also has the same characters as a preceding "Bible Heroes 2.oh" si-fi script that explores how the Bible heroes were only powerful because they had God's power behind them. 

--

X-on: Commander Zorg, I have those planet destroyer blueprints you asked for. 

Zorg: [very sad] Just stick them over there.

X-on: Sir? What’s up? You look terrible - and not in an ‘evil villain’ kind of way.

Zorg: Everybody hates me

X-on: Sir, that’s not true!... Not everybody knows you!

Baby Excuses [where do babies come from?]

Written for a gender reveal party.

NOAH:
Hey Hope,
You know how we’re going to have a new baby brother or sister soon?
Do you know where baby’s actually come from?

HOPE:
Haven’t they taught you that in school yet? Well…..
maybe it’s best to ask an adult.
Go an ask someone here.

Three Days [Easter Drama script]

A moving three-act Easter drama for a cast of 2 guys.

[Backing music and sound FX: https://youtu.be/dfGGiPnUlys]

Act 1: Friday Dismay

[Eerie middle easy music plays. James is crouching on stage, Simon approaches not noticing him]

James: PSSST, Simon, over here!

Simon: James? Is that you?

James: Yeah, come here

Simon: It’s so dark this afternoon!

James: [short embrace] Get down. Where have you been?

Simon: I hid down the valley overnight. Man that mob was possessed last night… but you obviously got away.

James: Yeah, good to see you.

Simon: What’s happening up there?

James: They’re about to try and put teacher on a cross.

Mr Bean Resuscitates [A funny skit for a talent night]

Intro: "Can we get someone up here to adjust this mic up a bit, please?"

Verse 1 Start: Bean enters, with magazine, looking around for the music he strangely recognizes.

Verse 1 Halay: Singer waves Bean over, in time with "A-Lay-Loo-Yaas"

Chorus 1 Start: Gestures to Bean to adjust the mic up, does so but too high.

Chorus 1 Halay: Bean proud, until looks at Singer who stares at Bean unimpressed, and Bean sees problem, mildly upset at hassle and stupidity of the singer.

Verse 2 Start: Loosens, ready to adjusts down.

Verse 2 Halay: On second YAAA whacks microphone on singer's head. 'THUMP' and singer falls to ground unconscious

Mr Bean Sings [Skit for a talent night]

Compare: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a slight delay for our next artist. But you’re in for a real treat. Classically trained, toured throughout Europe, he has a voice you’ll never forget. I’ll just go and see if he’s arrived.


BEAN: Enter sweeping, Find Lolly, blow and eat.

See microphone “hello”, “pft” “laugh”

Get player, pull out cassette which is all come out - wind up.



Intro music. Pull out hymn book

V1: not find. Idea, Sings ALAYLOOYA,

look index, find ALya... ya.... yaaaa