NEWMAN: Oh, what a day. So tired. Shower or bed? Shower or… [yawns] bed!
[steps out back door, then there’s an instant knock]
You got to be kidding me. Better not be one of those sales people!
[opens fake door at front of sage]
Jesus?! Hey, come in! I’m so glad you’re here!
JC: I’m delighted to be here! Thanks for the invitation to move in with you.
NEWMAN: Wow, I can’t believe you’re here!
JC: What?
NEWMAN: [puzzled at first] Oh no! I believe! I believe - you’re here! Here, I’ve got a little bit of room for you, um, over there. I’m so excited to have you living with me!
JC: Yeah, me too! I’ve always wanted to hang you with you more than just Saturday mornings.
NEWMAN: Hey, now that you’re here, you can help me. Someone was reading something about you the other day at church.
JC: Oh-oh!
NEWMAN: Nah, nah, It’s all good. Let me find it… Where’s my Bible? Is it true that I can ask anything in your name and you’ll do it?
JC: Does the Bible say that?
NEWMAN: Yeah… here, look, here.
JC: Huh. So it does. Well… I guess if it is written then who am I to argue!
NEWMAN: There you go. So… I can ask anything, hey?
JC: Well… I know that’s literally what is translated, but...
NEWMAN: We’ll you’ll be a great house mate then, won’t you!
JC: [defeated] Ha, I guess so.
NEWMAN: [jokes] Could you pass the salt, please, Jesus?
JC: Here [hands salt from bag]
NEWMAN: Nice one! All I need now is some Mashed Potato, Jesus?
JC: Here. [hands mashed potato]
NEWMAN: What? Wow! You ARE good. What about some chips, Jesus?
JC: Here.
NEWMAN: A new… car… Jesus?
JC: Here [hand’s keys]
NEWMAN: Oh wow! Volvo? Oh, I’d actually prefer a BMW, Jesus?
JC: Fair call, [swaps keys]
NEWMAN: Amazing. Say there is something you could help me with, actually. This pulpit. Could you help me move this into place for me, Jesus.
JC: Sure.
NEWMAN: Thanks [moving it] I’ve got a bit of a bad back, so best to be safe.
JC: Bad back?
NEWMAN: Yeah. Some disk troubles, I wish you could make THAT go away.
JC: Wish?
NEWMAN: OH, um, no, not wish, um… I pray you could make my back pain go away?
JC: Sure. There you go.
NEWMAN: Oh? OH!... WOW, it’s gone! [twists and turns excitedly] Thank you, Jesus!! You have no idea how long I’ve had that pain for!
JC: I do, actually.
NEWMAN: Hey, Jesus, could you heal my mum too? She’s not very well.
JC: Sure, no problems. Done.
NEWMAN: Really?!
JC: Sure. Give her a call.
NEWMAN: Oh, I will later, that’s wonderful. Thank you so much.
JC: No problem at all.
NEWMAN: While you’re here, can you give me direction on what job I should take, Jesus? I really don’t know if I should be an actor or an engineer.
JC: Accountant
NEWMAN: Really? [mutters] I thought I was more interesting than that. We’ll what about a partner – any hot tips, Jesus??
JC: Joe
NEWMAN: Oh, really, Joe??
JC: Yep. Just wait two years before you make a move.
NEWMAN: Ok, thanks. I think. Oh, you know, I could really do with some money too, Jesus. SOOO many bills
JC: Sure. How much?
NEWMAN: Ha, how about the lottery?
JC: Done, here’s your ticket.
NEWMAN: Really?
JC: Really, really!
NEWMAN: Ok, we’ll this will test you. My nanna died last year, I miss her so much. Do you think you could… bring her back to life, Jesus.
JC: Done.
NEWMAN: Just like that?
JC: Yep.
NEWMAN: Wow, that IS cool. Hang on, she’s bound to die again soon, she’s over 100.
JC: Just ask again, I’ll bring her back.
NEWMAN: Every time?
JC: Every time, anything you ask.
NEWMAN: Sweet! Hang on, I just need to make a phone call.
[on phone] Hey, Jerry,… yeah I know it’s late. Look, you’re going to want to invite Jesus over – you wont’ regret it….. I know you don’t believe but….. no I know, TRUST ME, it will be worth it. He gives you EVERYTHING you want….. Yep….. no you won’t have to give that up,… no….. Yep….. Yep, I got a lotto ticket right here… talk later. I’ll send him over, I think I’m done with him now. Trust me, He will give you everything! I‘d better go. Bye.
Sorry about that. So, wow. Anyway was all fantastic, thank you so much!
JC: No problems. Everything ok?
NEWMAN: Everything's perfect! I Guess I we don’t really need to do the whole Heaven thing after all, life will be just fine!
JC: Excuse me??
NEWMAN: Yeah. Life under Satan’s rule isn’t so bad after all if you’re around to clean everything up!
JC: What?
NEWMAN: We can do whatever we want and you’ll just fix any wrong bits that may result form time to time. Surely I won’t die – just like Satan said, as long as you’re around.
JC: Um no, I don’t think it works like that.
NEWMAN: [aggressive] Well, it has to, mister. You said “anything”. “Ask anything”. You’re not a liar are you?
JC: No but…
NEWMAN: We’ll I think I have all I need. There probably isn’t really room for you after all, long term. I’ll give you a call if I need anything. Go pop over to Jerrie's. He’s not a believe at all, but He’ll be impressed with what you can give him. But don’t’ get me wrong…. Thank you for EVERYTHING!....
[ushers out] bye bye now.
[Jesus leaves sad, picking up the lottery ticket as he departs.]
Hey, wait!...
[Jesus turns around, hopeful]
Leave the lottery ticket.
[Jesus leaves sad]
Ask anything in Jesus name. What a score! Living a dream. Living a dream. Living a dream. [closes door, alarm sound plays instantly.]
[Opens door squinting like just woke up, has a dressing gown on that was put on super fast back stage with a hidden helper, messy hair, looks around yawns, shakes head confused]
Jesus?.... Huh, oh well. [exits]
Presentation: Castle Hill Seventh-day Adventist Church - February 21, 2026