Scott Wegener is a multi award-winning creative writer who believes in looking on the lighter side of life’s predicaments but still values how serious life is. This site features a wide variety of Scott's published and performed works. If you want to use any of these pieces, or commission something origional, contact Scott Wegener

May 24, 2013

Short Person, Tall Person

Short Person, Tall Person
Original Words and Music by Randy Newman, Adaptation by Scott Wegener


Short person got some body
Short person got some body
Short person got some body To love

She’s got, little baby legs
That stand so low
You got to, pick her up
Just to say hello
She’ll get a, little car
That goes beep, beep, beep
and has a, little tiny voice
Goin' peep, peep, peep
There is a Short Person
There is a Short Person
There is a Short Person In Love

When lulu met Dan
She fell in love
(as you do)
And Dan eventually
fell in love too
(with lu the lu)

Tall person got some body
Tall person got some body
Tall person got some body  To love

He’s got, big lanky legs
That stand so high
You got to, get a ladder 
Just to look him in the eye
He’ll need a, great big car
That goes honk honk honk
Or his arms legs and head ‘l
Be goin' biff bash donk
His head in the clouds
gives him a crazy mind
And he’ll out craze you
every time
There is a tall Person
There is a short person
There is a couple with an average height, if you add their heights together and divide them by two, even though their heights are at such extremes they kind of cancel each other out to make someone of normal height,
which means it’s possible that Dan is actually the world’s tallest midget and lulu is the world’s smallest giant. Which also makes me questioning everything I thought I knew about the natural world and the laws of physics,
because these to lovely people seem to defy everything we’ve ever been taught about how mammals grow, but then again everything about the platypus is also quite baffling,
except for the county it lives in, which makes sense to live here because it would probably get eaten where Lulu comes from and shawn down to the skin if it lived were Dan comes from,

But having said all this . . . . . . .
Who cares . . . They’re In Love!


For the record, the original, less appropriate words are:

Short people got no reason
Short people got no reason
Short people got no reason
To live

They got little hands
Little eyes
They walk around
Tellin' great big lies
They got little noses
And tiny little teeth
They wear platform shoes
On their nasty little feet

Well, I don't want no short people
Don't want no short people
Don't want no short people
`Round here

Short people are just the same
As you and I
(A fool such as I)
All men are brothers
Until the day they die
(It's a wonderful world)

Short people got nobody
Short people got nobody
Short people got nobody
To love

They got little baby legs
That stand so low
You got to pick em up
Just to say hello
They got little cars
That go beep, beep, beep
They got little voices
Goin' peep, peep, peep
They got grubby little fingers
And dirty little minds
They're gonna get you every time
Well, I don't want no short people
Don't want no short people
Don't want no short people
'Round here

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