Scott Wegener is a multi award-winning creative writer who believes in looking on the lighter side of life’s predicaments but still values how serious life is. This site features a wide variety of Scott's published and performed works. If you want to use any of these pieces, or commission something origional, contact Scott Wegener

Mar 15, 2014

Church Hospitality Made Easy 3: Hugging

Performance: Lilydale Seventh-day Adventist Church - March 15, 2014
Brief: A short drama to match the sermon topic: hugging verses preaching.

[Presenter] Welcome to chapter 43 of Church Hospitality made easy, I’m your host, Ray Martin.
In this chapter we’re discussing the different methods of hugging in church.
Traditionally, a church is a great place to go to be preached at. Whether it’s on Bible prophecy,

[Minister] So if you multiply these numbers, carry the 4 and read it backwards, you’ll find adequate evidence the seven trumpets will play their song in the key of F#.
[Presenter] Having your sins pointed out

[Minister] You sir, is that an NIV bible you are holding? Do you know the errors in that version? You might as well be reading from IKEA manual!

[Presenter] Or a hard hitting sermon on love.

[Minister] Love . . . isn’t it lovely . . . . I love love . . . . do you love love? . . . I do . . . . lovely.

[Presenter] What churches often lack is physical hugging.
But before you take it upon yourself to frivolously hug the visitor next to you, there are some general guidelines s of which hug to use for what purpose.

[Member 1 to demonstrate on Visitor - both standing on stage, Visitor is somewhat no responsive to all the hugs, until the last one, that ‘freaks her out’ ]
[Presenter] First, there’s the hand on shoulder hug. This can be used to convey to a wayward member, who has not been to church for a while, that you know they haven’t been attending and you have your eye on them. Likewise, this hug can also be used when you’re about to confront someone about their inappropriate attire for church worship.

Putting your arm around someone, around to their other shoulder, conveys how glad you are to see someone, but shows your aren’t THAT excited as at no stage did you think this person would ever be absent forever.

A regular front-on hug also conveys how glad you are to see someone, but this hug also communicates that, after last week’s sermon, you never thought they would set foot your church again.

But keep in mind, adding a back pat or back rub to the hug starts to convey you’re actually thinking about your pet Labrador at home as you hug.

A bear hug is a hug which squeezes the air out or your hugee’s lungs. This hug should only ever be used to lovingly convey that a person has been sitting in your spot at church, and they should think twice about their seating options in future.

[Member1 & 2 & Minister (who has a script in hand)]

A group hug is only ever to be used by children participating in uncompetitive sports, or for video tutorials demonstrating the different usages of hugging in church.

Finally, the lovers hug. The lovers hug is a passionate embrace [Visitor make a run for the door before the hug can be performed] which binds two people as if they are emotionally one. This hug should never be performed in church for it may lead to dancing.

[Member 2] Hey, you can run, but we’ll be ready to hug you when you return!

[Member 1] She’ll be back next week, wont she?

[Minister - Reads script] Yep, she’s scripted in again.

All leave hugging shoulders.

[Presenter] Congratulations. You have completed the “Different methods of hugging in church” chapter.

In summary: If you’re going to preach to someone hug them appropriately first.
In the next chapter we look at breath mints, when to know you need one, how to open one silently, and how to get one in your mouth without anyone noticing.
Thanks for watching, I’m Ray Martin.

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