Scott Wegener is a multi award-winning creative writer who believes in looking on the lighter side of life’s predicaments but still values how serious life is. This site features a wide variety of Scott's published and performed works. If you want to use any of these pieces, or commission something origional, contact Scott Wegener

Aug 1, 2014

Snort Funny

Faced with impending death by laughter, Scott Wegener pulls an emergency release valve. 
Signs of the Times, August 2014

What best describes your laugh?
When someone slips on a banana peel, do you release small machine gun busts of laughter, or do you sound like a hysterical turkey? Maybe you’re a giggler, or perhaps you let off a series of rhythmic booms? Or maybe the only evidence you’re having a laugh is the Morse code of air being expelled out your nose. Then again, you could be dangerously at the top of the laughter tree – a snorter.
I read somewhere* that the existence of snorting in laughter actually prevents the human race from total annihilation!

I know, what you’re thinking, why does annihilation have two ‘n’s? I haven’t time to explore that phenomenon, but let’s look at the life saving properties of the laughter snort.
You’ve heard of people being in a ‘fit’ of laughter, and also that laughter is ‘contagious’, right? So basically laughter is a fit that’s contagious. When a small bout of laughter is not quickly squelched, others within hearing distance are drawn in to see what all the mirth is about and they too catch this fit. And from here, more and more people irresistibly join the laughter. At this point the funny virus grows exponentially in size and intensity. But the human body can only increase in laughter so much until it will start to implode into itself – just like a black hole in space.
Signs of your approach towards a hilarious doom include tears, aching stomach, the need to change underwear, and ultimately the snort.
Fortunately we humans, the only ones infected with this cackling condition, have a built in safety valve to prevent laughter black holes from forming - the safety snort.
If it weren’t for the safety snort, humanity as we know it would not exist today (according to what I read* anyway.)
It works like this: when a person begins to approach the critical point of laughter, a snort, or ‘Sus scrofa release’ as the scientists refer to it, releases pressure.
Everyone will snort when they reach this critical point of no sombre return. Some never reach this critical point, others max out their threshold very quickly and will snort instantly when faced with mirth.
So you see, laughter is NOT the best medicine. It’s a highly dangerous body function that should be taken seriously.
If you see someone in a fit of laughter, how can you help? Block your ears, approach them slowly and encourage them to release the pressure by chanting “Snort! Snort! Snort!”. If their nose is blocked, and they can’t snort, give them class of milk while they’re laughing to help clear their nasal passages - just have some tissues handy.
The Bible says there’s a time to laugh, and dance for that matter. But unfortunately it also says there’s a time to weep and mourn; (Ecclesiastes 3:4 ESV). And this is so true. The roller coaster of life throws all sorts of joys and tragedies at us – and equally on both the good AND the evil people of this world. ‘For He makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.’ (Matthew 5:45 ESV)
But thankfully it’s prophesied that change is on its way.
Revelation 21:4 ESV says “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain any more, for the former things have passed away.”
Awesome!
But until then... just keep on snorting!
 *I re-read this article after I wrote it. Yeah, I think THAT’S where I saw this amazing ‘fact’!

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