Scott Wegener is a multi award-winning creative writer who believes in looking on the lighter side of life’s predicaments but still values how serious life is. This site features a wide variety of Scott's published and performed works. If you want to use any of these pieces, or commission something origional, contact Scott Wegener

Sep 6, 2014

The Father 5000

Performance: Lilydale Seventh-day Adventist Church - September 6, 2014
Brief:
A fun drama skit on the theme Father's Day.
 


[Presenter] As most of you are aware by now, tomorrow is Father’s Day. Unfortunately, for various reasons, there are many people who don’t have a loving father. But be assured. . . you do have a loving Father in heaven who is waiting for you. But until then, for those who just can’t wait until we get to heaven, we would like to introduce the latest and greatest father replacement technology money can buy - the Father 5000!!!!
[Father walks on with fanfare soundtrack, which turns into shopping music] 

[Father] Hello.... every....body!

[Presenter] The Father 5000 is built soooo life-like it even has a receding hairline!

[Father turns and glares]

[Presenter] And can give an evil glare when offended. The Father 5000 has full facial recognition capabilities.

[Little girl enters stage] 

[Father] Hello.... mother!

[Presenter] And has the ability to give hugs without crushing the person.

[Father] Come and have a hug.

[Father turns and hugs the air before child gets close enough]

[Presenter] This father comes fully loaded with software that allows it to help around the house, and can even help with a child’s homework!

[Girl – with atlas or globe] Father, where is Chile?

[Father] Antarctica. It’s very chilly in Antarctica. Temperatures get down to −89.2°C (−128.6°F).

[Girl – with atlas or globe] NO, where can I find Chile?

[Father] Chilli can be found on the top shelf of the pantry. Especially good in Mexican dishes.

[Presenter] And the father can even play sport in the back yard.

[Girl puts ball in father's hand]

[Girl] Throw it to me!

[Father throws it as hard as he can over the girl]

[Presenter] But the most amazing feature of the Father 5000 is its ability to feel emotions.

[Girl falls over]

[Father] Oh no......you’ve....fallen..... over.

[Father begins to cry, then gets a jammed eye and repetitively calls out till the end of the drama: "Left eye needs oil."] 

[Presenter] I give you the Father 5000! Replacing the irreplaceable! Only available online – and probably for a very short time. Happy Father’s Day.

[Two men come out and pick up Father sideways, Father remains rigid to look like a metal object, still calling out “Left eye needs oil”]

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