Written: Deina Bailey and Scott Wegener
Performance: Lilydale Seventh-day Adventist Church - May 30 (2nd) / July 25 (1st), 2015
- GIRL ACTOR + GIRL VOICE
- BOY ACTOR + BOY VOICE
- WOMAN ACTOR + WOMAN VOICE
- MAN ACTOR + MAN VOICE
[GIRL ACTOR is sitting down brushing hair, getting frustrated at her hair]
GIRL VOICE Oh honestly, I don’t know why I bother, it doesn’t matter what I do with my hair, everyone at church seems to have better styled hair than me.
AND they’re always happy too. I wish I was always happy like everyone else at church. I guess God blesses them with happiness or something because they read their Bibles every day. I wish I knew the Bible as well as everyone else, but seriously, how do they find the time!
I guess until I learn my Bible and get baptised I should just expect people to walk past without making eye contact. Where’s my Sabbath hairclip… (walks off)
[BOY ACTOR walks on, Flopping into chair]
BOY VOICE Oh man I am soooo tired, I should just go back to bed. It’s not like I’ll be able to stay awake through church anyway. (YAWN)
Actually, I don’t know why I even bother going to church, It’s not like anyone really notices if I’m there or not. Anyone would think I have an invisible suit on.
Maybe I’ll stay home. I guess I could watch online, what would be the difference. Actually, I could try levelling up in my online game while I have the service running on my computer. Genius!
Augh, I guess the music is better live. You can’t hear the bass properly online... [sighs] I’ll give it one more go. See if I find a good reason to stick at this. I can always sleep there if no one sees me anyway. (walks off)
[GIRL ACTOR enters one side / WOMAN enters other side]
GIRL VOICE Oh here we go, look at the perfect hair, smiling, not a care in the world. I’d better let them through without delaying their important business.
WOMAN VOICE Oh there’s that girl again. I’ve been meaning to tell her how beautiful her hair is. I love that hair-clip. But I don’t even know her name. Oh, let’s be brave and go and introduce myself.
MAN ACTOR (quickly intercepts and talks to woman) “Hey, how you going?
WOMAN ACTOR “Oh, hi”
MAN ACTOR “Had a good week?”
WOMAN ACTOR “Oh, Fine thanks”
WOMAN VOICE If only you knew how hard this week was, mate.
MAN ACTOR “Every day above ground’s a good one, right, gota rush sorry, singing up the font”
WOMAN ACTOR “Right have fun”
WOMAN VOICE Have fun? Seriously? What a lame reply. Wish I could sing like him though. Oh yeah, that girl, I should catch her.
WOMAN ACTOR “Hi there”
GIRL VOICE Oh? What does SHE want? Is it nominating committee time already? They wouldn’t ask me to do anything anyway.
GIRL ACTOR “Hi”
WOMAN ACTOR “I just wanted to say how beautiful your hair-clip is”
WOMAN VOICE There. I did it!
GIRL ACTOR “Oh thanks, It’s the only one I could find!”
GIRL VOICE She likes it! She likes my favourite hair-clip!
WOMAN ACTOR “Matches your beautiful hair, You always have such nice hair. I wish mine would sit like yours”
WOMAN VOICE What’s her name, common, what’s her name……
GIRL ACTOR “Thanks.”
GIRL VOICE She likes MY hair! Get…out…of…town!
WOMAN ACTOR “Forgive me, I can’t remember you name. “
GIRL ACTOR “Sally”
GIRL VOICE She wants to know my name? This is getting TOO much!.
WOMAN ACTOR “Sally! That’s right”
WOMAN VOICE I did know that! I must try and remember. She’s probably keen to go find her friends, better no bore her with old person chit chat.
WOMAN ACTOR “Well I have to keep going, nice to see you.” (walks off)
GIRL VOICE Nice to SEE me? Nice to see ME! Nice to hear from you! She liked my hair! ( walks off )
[BOY ACTOR enters]
BOY VOICE Well, here we are. Guess I’ll go straight to my seat. Wouldn’t want anyone bumping into me in my invisible suit.
[MAN ACTOR enters other side]
MAN VOICE Oh, there’s that kid. Jim, Jack , John, Joseph, Jehoshaphat – nope can’t remember. I should ask if he wants’ to be in our band. I heard he’s a great bass player.
BOY VOICE Oh… don’t walk into me mate, watch where you’re going…
MAN ACTOR “Hi, how’s it going”
BOY ACTOR (unexcited) “Good”
BOY VOICE So there you go, and my parents paid a fortune for this invisible suit and it’s not invisible at all! Go figure.
MAN ACTOR “Hey, you play the Bass, right?”
BOY VOICE (excited) Did he just ask if I played the Bass? How did HE know that? Not like I’ve ever played it here, nor will ever get invited to.
BOY ACTOR (unexcited) “Yeah”
MAN ACTOR “Great, would you be interested in playing with my group, we need a good bass player”
MAN VOICE Was that to forward, he’s probably not interested. I still can’t remember his name, George, Jordan, Jonah
BOY ACTOR (unexcited) “I guess”
BOY VOICE (excited) ARE YOU SERRIOUS! Did he say next week? Awesome! This is the coolest thing ever. I hope I don’t mess up. Better practice every night this week.
MAN ACTOR “Great, I got to run now, but will get the songs to you this week”
MAN VOICE I hope he’s interested and not just being polite. (exits)
[ GIRL ACTOR returns ]
BOY VOICE (excited) I get to practice beforehand – oh, too easy, this will be fully sick!
GIRL ACTOR “Hey, Jake, good to see you, wasn’t sure you’d be here today”
BOY ACTOR “I almost wasn’t”
GIRL ACTOR “Yeah? Me too actually… my hair was not behaving this morning, but I dunno, today, for some reason… I just feel alive!
(Both start to walk off)
BOY ACTOR “YEAH? Me too actually. Strange. Hey, guess who’s playing bass next week?”
GIRL ACTOR “YOU? That’s awesome! You’re great on the bass. I’m definitely coming to hear you!