Written: Scott Wegener and the Edinburgh College drama class
Performance: Edinburgh College Chapel - Sep 14, 2015
Edinburgh College Arts Evening - November 10, 2015
A business executive sits at a desk, reading a newspaper.
An evil angel walks in the door, and muses to them self, rubbing their hands.
The evil angel clicks their fingers and Assistant 1 hurries in, with a clipboard or iPad and speaks to the executive:
Assistant 1: Sorry to interrupt, but all the shares in your company, well, they’ve all been sold, nobody wants them, the company is worthless. [leaves - Evil Angel clicks fingers again]
Assistant 2: Sorry to interrupt, we just got our bank statement, someone has transferred ALL of the money out. We can’t trace it. It’s all gone! [leaves - Evil Angel clicks fingers again]
Assistant 3: Sorry to interrupt, the lawyers are here, they say you owe 16 trillion in unpaid parking fines, I’ll go let them in. [leaves - Evil Angel clicks fingers again]
Assistant 4: Sorry to interrupt, you left you iron on at home, your house has burnt down, and you’ve lost your entire collection of 200 sports cars, oh and your signed Justin Bieber photo. [leaves - Evil Angel clicks fingers again]
Assistant 5: Sorry to interrupt, All your family was in a plane which just crashed! Everyone died ... except your mother-in-law. [leaves - Evil Angel clicks fingers again]
Assistant 6: Sorry to interrupt, Your test results are back from the hospital: apparently you have cancer, whooping cough, leprosy and an incurable haemorrhoid outbreak. [leaves - Evil Angel clicks fingers again]
Assistant 7: Sorry to interrupt, your football membership just came through, looks like I accidentally signed you up as a Collingwood supporter!! [leaves]
Executive: Oh why God, what Have I done to deserve this!? Why, Lord! Forgive me for anything I may have done to offend you.
Good Angel enters – puts hand on shoulder of Executive as he walks past, then walks over to evil angel, stands tall over him and points away with authority, sending evil angel away, who storms off. Then Good angel looks lovingly at Executive, but sadly, then has a happy idea: clicks their fingers and walks off...
Assistant 1: Hey boss, great news!
- All the shares of the company have just been re-purchased and it’s worth TWICE as much as before.
- The bank statement was an error, and Money had been transferred in, not out, so you have TWICE as much cash as before.
- The lawyers realise it was not your car which was illegally parked, so there are no fines to pay.
- Justin Bieber will be around on Thursday to take some selfies with you.
- Um... the plane crash, I got it wrong, it was ONLY your mother-in-law who died, every one else survived (my bad)
- The hospital test results were for someone else – you’ll live for another 140 years!
- And.... I got a full refund on the Collingwood membership!
I think I might go and have a little lie down now. That will be all for today, thanks.