I Am [7 act skit series on Jesus' 'I Am' statements]

I am the true vine – John 15:1-5
I am the bread of life – John 6:35
I am the light of the world – John 8:12, 9:5
I am the gate – John 10:7
I am the good shepherd – John 10:11-14
I am the resurrection and the life – John 11:25
I am the way the truth and the life – John 14:6

Each skit:

Two people sitting around at a retirement home, one with a newspaper (N), the other a Bible (B), with scripts on them if acting live.
Slow to speak and even slower to reply to each other for effect there could be a literal 4-5 second gap between lines as the elderly process the thought and come up with a response. Make the skit about 5 mins
Can be live or pre-recorded - Can be same or different couples - Can be any combination of genders

THE VINE

(video intro)

B: Hey [insert elderly person name]

[remember 4-5 second delay for slow thinking EVERY time...]

N: Yeah?

B: Wha-da-ya-reckon Jesus meant when He said ‘I am the true vine’?

N: Dunno.... You sure it says ‘Vine’?

B: Yeah, I am the true vine.

N: Where’s it say that?

B: In John... chapter 15.... verse 1

N: Maybe he was pointing out that he had skinny legs, like a grape vine?

N: Or maybe his skin was flaky like the bark of a grape vine... and was encouraging people to moisturise?

N: He could be referring to himself turning water into wine. You know, reminding people how he can make wine so easily, so you might as well just call him the true vine.

N: Probably just a note taking error. Jesus probably said he was DE-vine, not THE vine?

B: I guess that would make sense. How do you know all this? Did you study theology at university or something?

N: Nah... just following my gut, [insert old person name], sometimes you just have to follow your gut.
(video out)

THE BREAD OF LIFE

B: Hey [insert elderly person name]

[remember 4-5 second delay for slow thinking EVERY time...]

N: Yeah?

B: Wha-da-ya-reckon Jesus meant when He said ‘I am the bread of life’?

N: Dunno.... You sure it says ‘Bread’?

B: Yeah, I am the bread of life.

N: Where’s it say that?

B: In John... chapter 6.... verse 35

N: Good thing he’s not not dark rye... or he’d be the Bread of death

B: Oh go on, that bread’s good for you!

N: I guess it’s not suggesting Jesus is crummy?

B: I don’t think so!

N: Probably has to do with spreading the word. Jesus is the bread, and we are the spreads, and together we’re a peanut-butter sandwich.

B: Dunno about that.

N: Or if you forget about Jesus too long - your toast

B: Huh, that’s quite profound.... How do you know all this, [insert old person name], did you do a correspondence course on theology or something?

N: Nah... just following my gut, [insert old person name], sometimes you just have to follow your gut.

(video out)

THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD

B: Hey [insert elderly person name]

[remember 4-5 second delay for slow thinking EVERY time...]

N: Yeah?

B: Wha-da-ya-reckon Jesus meant when He said ‘I am the Light of the world ’?

N: Dunno.... You sure it says ‘light’?

B: Yeah, I am the Light of the world.

N: Where’s it say that?

B: In John... chapter 8.... verse 12

N: Really?

B: Yeah... and He says it again in Chapter 9.... Verse 5

N: Maybe it’s because he’s the Sun of God?

B: No, different spelling of son.

N: Maybe he had the perfect body mass index, and was considered the Light weight that the world should try and achieve?

B: Sounds like a stretch to me?

N: Maybe he lifts all our worldly worries and make the weight of world light for us?.

B: I’m thinking is more like Jesus shines for us to see the way.

N: Nah, it’s probably because he’s like a traffic light of the world. And will tell people who goes to heaven and who stops.

B: We’ll what’s the orange light then?

N: They didn’t have orange lights back when this was written.

B: Oh, right.

N: Yeah, they were only introduced by the light globe companies years later so they’d sell more light globe replacements.

B: Huh, there you go.... How do you know all this, [insert old person name], did you study the Bible with one of those TV evangelists or something?

N: Nah... just following my gut, [insert old person name], sometimes you just have to follow your gut.

(video out)

THE GATE

B: Hey [insert elderly person name]

[remember 4-5 second delay for slow thinking EVERY time...]

N: Yeah?

B Wha-da-ya-reckon Jesus meant when He said ‘I am the gate’?

N Dunno.... You sure it says ‘Gate’?

B: Yeah, I am the Gate.

N: Where’s it say that?

B: Says it John...... chapter 10............. Verse 7

N: Maybe he’s saying he’s a little rusty....

B: I wouldn’t think so....

N: Maybe he was creaky?

B: Creaky?

N: Yeah, like His knees or something were creaky, like a gate?

B: I doubt that

N: Maybe He was saying salvation hinged on him.

B: Oh... could be.

N: Or maybe he was like a moderator of a Facebook group.

B: Oh, you mean a gatekeeper?

N: Yep.

B: But my Bible just says ‘Gate’.

N: I think you’ll find the original Greek says gatekeeper, but King James probably just abbreviated it down to gate.

B: Why would he do that?

N: Probably budget cutbacks.... had to save ink..... It’s expensive to milk squid you know.

B: Huh, there you go.... How do you know all this, [insert old person name], did you study Greek or something?

N: Nah... just following my gut, [insert old person name], sometimes you just have to follow your gut.

THE GOOD SHEPHERD

B: Hey [insert elderly person name]

[remember 4-5 second delay for slow thinking EVERY time...]

N: Yeah?

B: Wha-da-ya-reckon Jesus meant when He said ‘I am the good shepherd’?

N: Dunno.... You sure it says ‘shepherd’?

B: Yeah, I am the good shepherd.

N: Where’s it say that?

B: In John... chapter 10.... verse 11

N: Really?

B: Yeah... and He says it again in Verse 14

N: Better then being the Baaaad shepherd

B: Oh, you’re still as funny as the day we met.

H: The other day you told me Jesus was a carpenter?

B: Yes he was

N: But now you’re saying Shepherd?

B: Well it says shepherd here.

N: That’s a bit strange, isn’t it? So did he have a career change?

B: I don’t think so.

N: We’ll, he probably made so many high quality wooden sheep carvings as a carpenter, people used to start calling him a good Shepherd.

B: Huh, there you go.... How do you know all this, [insert old person name], did you study theology on Youtube or something?

N: Nah... just following my gut, [insert old person name], sometimes you just have to follow your gut.

(video out)

THE RESURRECTION AND THE LIFE

B: Hey [insert elderly person name]

[remember 4-5 second delay for slow thinking EVERY time...]

N: Yeah?

B: Wha-da-ya-reckon Jesus meant when He said ‘I am the resurrection and the life’?

N: Dunno.... You sure it says ‘resurrection’?

B: Yeah, I am the resurrection and the life.

N: Where’s it say that?

B: In John... chapter 11.... verse 25

N: It doesn’t say “reflection of the light”

B: No, definitely says resurrection and the life”

N: He probably worked as a mechanic, restoring chariots back to life.

B: I thought he was a carpenter?

N: Yep. Probably restored wooden chariots. They’d get quite damaged in battles.

B: Oh right.

N: In fact Nazareth, where Jesus came from, is where NasCars originated. But they were chariots originally. BIG resurrection trade in Nazareth, bringing charriots back to live. That’s what your Bible means.

B: Huh, there you go.... How do you know all this, [insert old person name], did you study theology on Wikipedia or something?

N: Nah... just following my gut, [insert old person name], sometimes you just have to follow your gut.

(video out)

THE WAY THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE (Finale)

B: Hey [insert elderly person name]

[remember 4-5 second delay for slow thinking EVERY time...]

N: Yeah?

B: Wha-da-ya-reckon Jesus meant when He said ‘I am the way, the truth and the life’?

N: Dunno.... You sure it says ‘all that’?

B: Yeah, I am the way, the truth and the life.

N: Where’s it say that?

B: In John... chapter 14.... verse 6

[Knock at the door, N goes open door]

Stan: Hi, I’m Stan from Cryogenic cremations. We have a special deal going for seniors where for only six million dollars we can cryogenically cremate yourself and your partner together, and we guarantee we’ll bring you back to life later - once we invent the technology to do so.

N: Really,so if you can’t bring us back to life - we get our money back?

Stan: Yep, money back guarantee !! [cheesy smile]

N: Well sounds like a good deal.
I dunno where we’ll get the money - we really don’t have that much.

Stan: Of course, but how else are you going to live forever? It’s not like you have any other options! Look, I’ll throw in a ‘this way up’ sticker for your box too.

N: Yeah, ok, what choice do we have if we want to keep living, come back next week and we’ll have the money for you.

Stan: Ok, I’ll be back for you. [close door]

B: We can’t afford that

N: But what can we do! If we want to live forever, we have no choice but to put everything into this. We’ll have to sell the house. Get some money from our kids too... they could sell their houses. They’d do that for us, surely. There must be a way. We have to find a way!

[Another Knock at the door]

Jesus: Do not be troubled. I am the way...

N: Truth??

Jesus: And the life... follow me.

[Jesus extends hand as an invitation to follow Him]

N: No thanks. [shakes hand] We’ve got something rather important happening right now, good day. [close door]

B: Who do you suppose that was?

N: Dunno

B: You don’t suppose that was... Jesus?

N: Naah.

B: Really? How do you KNOW it wasn't Jesus?... Let me guess: you were just following your gut?

N: Nah - did he look like a vine to you? Or a gate, or a shepherd, or even a bread stick. That guy didn’t look anything like the Jesus you’ve been describing to me all week.

B: Um, [insert old person name],

N: [back to reading paper ] Yeah?

B: Have you actually studied the Bible at all for yourself?

N: Nah... I just follow my gut.

B: Here! [hands Bible] Study it! You’ll be amazed who it reveals. [N goes out front door, out of sight, to catch up with Jesus] Excuse me... oh! You’re still waiting. I’d like to hear about your offer of life....