Missed Messiah [Christmas skit]

[A Priest finishes a day’s work at the temple. Meets up with his trader mates for an evening drink.]

PRIEST: Wow what a day. Did you see that guy try and bring a pig in for sacrifice today!

TRADER: I did! Oh, the Blasphemy!

PRIEST: I know! I couldn’t believe it! Know the rules, pilgrims!

TRADER: The way you jumped on that table and ripped your clothes and demanded they remove the swine at once! Wow, epic show.

PRIEST: Did you like that?

TRADER: Mate, you even scared me for a moment there!

PRIEST: Hey, did you start charging to inspect people’s BYO sacrifices today?

TRADER: Sure did. I tell you, easiest money!

PRIEST: Really? People were happy to pay to get their pink parchment?

TRADER: Sure were. Well, not like they had a choice. They either pay or don’t get their sins forgiven.

PRIEST: And after charging them for the inspection, you still rejected most of their animals - no matter their condition?

TRADER: Of course. We can’t sell them premium livestock if their sacrifice is approved, can we!

PRIEST: Genius. Double offering. 

TRADER: Yep! CA-CHING!

PRIEST: What is CA-CHING?

TRADER: It’s the sound of shekels being dropped in a basket!

PRIEST: Our lord will be so happy with the money we are raising for his temple.

TRADER: Minus deductions, of course.

PRIEST: Of course. Wink, wink. Say no more.

TRADER: Any news on a messiah coming?

PRIEST: There’s a couple of hopefuls out there, actually. There’s one with some royal blood, who is quite the worrier. Man can he swing a sword. I suspect he might be the one.

A Father's Day Prayer [skit script of a dad praying for his family]

To show a father’s mind of love and care and worry and suffering for his family – though it probably isn’t seen on the outside.

 

[Dad and child walk in stage door, dad holding the ‘L’ plates gets a microphone (pre organise what colour you’ll pick up with sound person), and calls out to child, who never stopped and is walking down the isle to leave through glass doors.]

DAD: Good job with your driving home tonight. Soon you’ll be driving as well as Tiger Woods!

[child roles eyes practically at the glass doors by now]

CHILD: Whatever [call out loudly, no mic needed]

DAD: Golf joke!? [sighs and talks to himself]  Dumb joke. See you in the morning

---

[Dad kneels down and voiceover plays.]

Hi God,

Another day done, hey.

Thank you for your leading today. For safety, and for strength to get through today’s challenges.

Thank you for the blessings in my life. For a job, somewhere to live, A peaceful society where we’re able to freely worship you.

Thank you for blessing me with beautiful family.

Please help me find ways to motivate Lisa to get up in the morning. I really don’t like the daily battle trying to get her up and out the door to school. Please give me more patience with her. I try and be patient but sometimes she makes me late for work, which causes trouble for me. Help me to keep calmer. Help me to know how to connect with Lisa. It breaks my heart how we no longer talk much.

And thank you again for stepping in, again, during Lisa’s driving lesson this week. And thank you that insurance has agreed to cover all damages to the traffic light poles… and the Porche.

A Mother's Hospitality [Mother's Day script]

 [A Mother’s Day skit with a them of hospitality... and a twist!]

[Airplane seating, 4 chairs in a grid with an isle, all facing the side door end of the stage.]
[A hostess stands and waits at the back of the chairs.]
[ a Man walks in the side stage door with a child hurried along in front of him]

HOSTESS: Welcome aboard!

DAD: There you go, I’ll see you later. 

[Child flops in a back row chair, audience side. Dad leaves the same door and closes it]

HOSTESS: Well, hello there! I’m so excited to have you aboard. Sit back and relax, and if there’s anything I can get you, just ask. [walks to back of plane]

CHILD: Excuse me. 

HOSTESS: Yes, how can I help you?

CHILD: Can I get something to eat? 

HOSTESS: Sure, what would you like?

CHILD: What have you got?

HOSTESS: Anything you like.

CHILD: Aaaaanything???

HOSTESS: Anything you like.

CHILD: Oh cool! Well, could I have some coffee ice cream and pickles please?

HOSTESS: I’ll see what I can do.

[on radio] Can we please get some coffee ice cream and pickles down here please?

Jingle Beans [Mr Bean christmas script]

Assistant sets up chairs, stands, music, Trumpet on stand.

• Bean walks past, notices instruments at a glance.
• Comes back intrigued at trumpet, looks around and sits down.
• Pulls out teddy and shows.
• Puffs out cheeks, showing off to teddy, then gives teddy turn
• Plays with valves, then gives teddy turn jumping on valves
• Says “hello” in bell, Teddy falls in bell and is wedged in.
• Violinist comes out and trumpeter. Trumpeter, ignored by bean and they walk away confused.
• Jingle Bells chorus played by violin and stops waiting for trumpet “Hey”, but muted by Teddy, Bean confused but finds teddy and pulls out, and mouthpiece falls out while removing teddy
• Misses next hey, because no mouth piece, gives verbal “hey”
• Jingle bells verse played, Bean chases mouthpiece beneath chairs. Buzz “hey” under chair with mouthpiece.
• Back to chair, inconveniently in between stands and player.
• Last Hey is ‘fart sound’ - amusing Bean but not violinist.
• 12 days of Christmas (or Deck the halls) played by violinist
• Bean gets bored after a while, starts shaving face and forehead, and nose - but get;s stuck on nose hair.
• After pulled out, noes is left tickled, and hints at sneeze - that goes away temporarily.
• Sneezes, no tissue, hints at using teddy to wipe noes but aborts, sneaks sheet of music from violinist.Blows noes long an loud, and puts in pocket.
• Violin gets near end of song and runs out of music mid musical phrase, looks for it.
• Bean looks around then realizes the music in hsi pocket, hesitantly hands scrunched music from pocket, violinist takes, Bean sneaks off, violinist squeals and leaves..

Performance: Castle Hill Seventh-day Adventist Church Christmas Social - Dec 9, 2023

"God promises to guide and prosper us in all our daily living" [Putting Bad Theology on Trial Sermon Drama Series 2/4]

To play out like a courtroom scene, immediately before a sermon that God doesn't promises to guide and prosper us in all our daily living. A sermon unpacking misconceptions on applying OT verses directly to our lives (like Jeremiah 29:11) without understanding context first) eg God does not plan every aspect of our daily lives, just the overall goal, which ultimately is our salvation, whereas we are responsible for the regular daily decisions which, however, might get overridden by someone else’s free will if it crosses ours.

This is one of four dramas for a "Putting Bad Theology on Trial" Sermon Series:

1. You can’t be sure of your salvation
2. God promises to guide and prosper us in all our daily living
3. Reverence must mean silence
4. God will never allow more trials than we can handle.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Judge: OK, our first case for the morning is a child’s complaint against their parents.
It looks like they are seeking replace their mother because last week she did not make their bed for them.
Would the child please take to the stand and deliver their statement.

"I can never be sure of my Salvation" [Putting Bad Theology on Trial Sermon Drama Series 1/4]

To play out like a courtroom scene, immediately before a sermon that affirms you CAN be sure of your salvation.
This is one of four dramas for a "Putting Bad Theology on Trial" Sermon Series:

1. You can’t be sure of your salvation
2. God promises to guide and prosper us in all our daily living
3. Reverence must mean silence
4. God will never allow more trials than we can handle.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Judge: OK, our first case for the morning is a parents’ complaint against their child.
It looks like they are seeking to expel their child from the family home because last week they did not put their dirty socks in the washing basket before the washing machine was started.
Would the accuser please take to the stand and deliver their argument.

Shepherd’s Warming [Christmas script]

A two-act drama, for 3 guys, to be run at the beginning and end of a Christmas program, church service or concert. The first act being just before Jesus was born and the second act somewhat mirroring the first act but in modem times.

ACT I

[Shepherds are dressed in stereotypical costume, no glasses or watches, with sandals and mid height wooden staffs. Hands-free microphones. Flickering ‘fan forced’ fire front centre of available stage place. Positions mentioned are from actor’s POV facing audience]

[Background sheep noises play quietly from sound desk audio. Stars on roof. Musicians darkened. Two shepherds stand behind fire, facing audience. Joe (stage right), Bart (Centre). A third Shepherd, Tom, walks in from stage left speaking the last few steps of his arrival]

TOM: Well, that’s the sheep locked up for the night.
I tell ya, there’s nothing like driving the sheep up that valley.

BART: Yeah, it’s a nice run. Here, I’ll take your rod.
[takes wooden rod and puts it off to left of stage, and returns during the next line]

TOM: Did you see the way I got the sheep over those rocks close to the creek? Wow-Wee I thought we’d end up IN the creek for a moment there.

JOE: Yeah, mate. No one can drive a sheep like you!

Duelling Connections [mime script]

A play for three, on the concept of everyone begin wired differently and connecting to God in different ways, or, how different worship styles meets the needs of different people.
Use a Dueling Banjos background track edited to your choreography, or even better - played live for your choreography!

--

[Person one has a triangular prism attached to a string, attached to their waist.
Person two has a rectangular prism attached to a string, attached to their waist.
Person three has a cylinder attached to a string, attached to their waist.
The shapes can all be made of different materials, like a can for the cylinder and cardboard for the triangle.]

Music starts.

Each person shows their shape to the audience in turn.

A box is put on a high table or stool, and the audience sees one side with three triangle shaped holes facing them. (the other two sides with holes are hiding on the bottom and on the back)

Background Noise [script]

A play for three, introducing the topic of God seemingly being pictured as a 'bad guy' in the old testament.

--

[Mum Dad and Daughter sit around table with papers.]

Dad: So, lets quickly review the minutes of the last meeting:
•    It was agreed that I put a scheduled reminder in my phone so I put the correct rubbish bins out each week.
•    We need to stop playing our tubas after 10pm, as per the neighbour’s request.
•    And we never quite figured out who’s leaving the toilet seat up.

Rebecca: Dad, you’re the only guy in the house!

Dad: No, Toby is a guy to.

Rebecca: Since when do guinea pigs use a toilet?

The Father 5000 - replacing the irreplaceable [Father's Day skit]

A fun drama skit on the theme Father's Day and how you can't really replace a father.
A follow-up mothers day skit, "The Family 5000" here: scottpublished.com/2023/04/the-family-5000-replacing-irreplaceable.html

 
[Presenter] Good morning everyone! As most of you will be aware, tomorrow is Father’s Day.
This is a day where we celebrate our dads, and the love and efforts they put into their family.
Unfortunately, for various reasons, there are many people who don’t have a loving father. But be assured. . . you do have a loving Father in heaven who is waiting for you.
But until then, for those who just can’t wait until we get to heaven, we would like to introduce the latest and greatest father replacement technology money can buy - the Father 5000!!!!
[Father walks on with fanfare soundtrack, which turns into shopping music]

[Father] Hello.... every....body!

[Presenter] The Father 5000 is built so life-like, it not only has a receding hairline. 

[Father glances sideways at presenter]

Presidential Pitch [Morning workplace worship about future joy]

 Presentation: South Pacific Division Morning Worship - May 23, 2022
(written for a specific workplace situation, but could be adapted for a different location or for kids...)

[Greatest showman Music starts – Enter from back of room, Dark-glasses, suit wearing entourage of 2 or 3 follow. Photographer leads in front taking photos along the way. Takes some photos from the front seat for the first minute. Stand up front, entourage either side behind speaker. wit for end of intro music "...this the the moment you've been waiting for".]

Good morning, everyone

As most of you will be aware, there is a General Conference Session coming up soon.

At this session, there’s a possibility that our President may perhaps be elevated to the GC president role.
In this case, we’ll need to find a new leader for the SPD.

This morning, I’d like to put forward my name as a potential replacement for our President should he vacate his position in the coming weeks.

Now, I know what you’re probably thinking “I should have worn a tie this morning for my new boss - because first impressions are everything.” 

David Attenmother [Mother's day skit admiring mothers]

Performance: Castle Hill Seventh-day Adventist Church - May 7, 2022

Narrator speaks like David Attenborough

I Am Strength [mime script]

Drama about finding strength in the Lord through life's challenges

Synopsis: The woman moves along the timeline of life, collecting more trials as she goes, and they start to weigh her down, until she reaches the end of her rope and struggles to continue. God, the I AM, offers help, and when finally accepted it gives her enough strength to lose the weight of the ill effects of the trials in her life, even defeating temptation.Call him.

Music “Lean on me” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fOZ-MySzAac 

Blossom [mime script]

A beautiful, yet confronting, dancing mime about good and bad labels affecting women. This powerfully emotionally charged drama set to a harp and violin version of ‘Meditation’ by Massenet.(times listed below will vary per recording) eg youtube.com/watch?v=rNNphUmKiJw

The script is tightly synced with the music’s swells, with a trained, flowing dancer. The aim is to connect the audience to the woman, feel her pain, (some will even relate, while others will be made aware of women struggling through such things) and then feel her joy as she has victory over the depths of Satan’s evilness.

This woman is to be totally broken from these initial unfair and confronting words, to the point of despair, and then is ultimately built up from the depth of Satan’s lies and see the ultimate inspiring truth: she is a loved child of God, as is every member of the audience.

Father's Apprentice [mime script]

A mime about a fathers influence on their child. 

Set to an edited down version of Disney's Sorcerer's Apprentice soundtrack

[first Strings stanzas]
Standing net to each other, Father tries a few times to show son how to shake hands, but he never does in return.

[hopping sounds that turn into marching]
Dad stomps foot in frustration and thinks.
Pause until second music stomp and then son stomps in time with music once.
Father a little surprised, tries again curiously, with two stomps in time with music
Another pause and son does two stomps with music.
Father excited, starts marching on the spot with music, watching to see if son follows, son soon copies, and they march in a circle doing a 'skip' in time with the music.

Father thinks what else to do, tries rolling arms, then son copies
Father tries knocking knees, and son copies

Compassionisation [script]

A play on the topic of Compassion.

Can be played to include a ranging number of actors. Either:

• (3) Two actors and a narrator
• (14) One main core actor, and narrator, but different 'extras' in each scene
  
• (24) Same narrator only, entirely different set of actors each scene.
• (34) Different set of narrators and actors for each scene (but same set for each scene variation a. and b.)
  
• (66) Different narrator and actors for each scene variation (but very short roles each)
• NOTE: delete a scene or double up actors to get the right number)
  

Compassion = sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others

Compassionisation =  the action of making a person compassionate

---------------- OPENING Scene: Narrator, Cameron ------------------------
~Narrator: Once upon a time there was a boy who, no matter what bad things happened to people around him, wouldn't show any compassion... to anyone. In fact, you could say he was the opposite of compassion!
In fact, if there was a story on the TV about thousands of people hurt and homeless from an earthquake, he wouldn't care, he would... change the channel.....

Cameron: (Changes the channel)

~Narrator: to watch a game of football ...

Cameron: Hey, football!

~Narrator: Between two teams he didn't even like.

Cameron: I hate these teams... Oh well.


---------------- Scene 1a: Narrator, Cameron, +1 ------------------------

~Narrator: Someone could fall over.

Jessie: [falls over]

~Narrator: He wouldn't help, he would ...laugh.

Cameron: (Laughs)


---------------- Scene 2a: Narrator, Cameron, +1 ------------------------

~Narrator: He could find out a friend’s pet had died

Jessie: My cat, Fluffy, got hit by a car yesterday.

~Narrator: He wouldn't speak kindly, he would... Make fun.

Cameron: Doesn't surprise me - Fluffy was the dumbest cat I know. Dumbest name for a cat with no hair too!

Jessie: She had a rear disease!

Cameron: What are you sooking about then, it was going to die anyway!


---------------- Scene 3a: Narrator, Cameron, +2/3 ------------------------

~Narrator: He might see someone being bullied

Jessie: [to bullies] HEY, give me my lunch back!

~Narrator: He wouldn't step in and help, he would... join in the bullying.

Cameron: Hahaha, got your lunch stolen, AGAIN!


---------------- Scene 4a: Narrator, Cameron, +1 ------------------------

~Narrator: If he saw a homeless person on the street, he wouldn't give them his change... He'd go to Mc Donald's and eat only half the food he ordered... Throwing out the rest.

Cameron: (Throws away bag)


---------------- Scene 5a: Narrator, Cameron, +1 ------------------------

~Narrator: If someone was afraid of flying,

Cameron: What's your problem?

Jessie: I’ve never flown before, not sure I can do this.

~Narrator: he wouldn't encourage them, he'd.... try and Scare them.

Cameron: Yep I think we will die, I saw one of the wings had a big crack in it... But what can we do, the seat belt sign's on, you'll make the plane crash if you take your seat belt off now anyway.... (Hehehe)


---------------- Scene 6a: Narrator, Cameron, +2 ------------------------

~Narrator: If he knew someone had their girlfriend break up with them,

Breakup 1: It’s over

Breakup 2: But... I love you!!

~Narrator: he wouldn't comfort them, he would ... Tease them.

Cameron: Haha, you're all alone... again!


---------------- Scene 7a: Narrator, Cameron, +1 ------------------------

~Narrator: If an elderly person got on a bus and there were no seats,

Jessie: [walks up to chairs]

~Narrator: he would never move over.

Cameron: (Spreads out)


---------------- Scene 8a: Narrator, Cameron, +1 ------------------------

~Narrator: If he knew someone who was embarrassed about their body, he wouldn't ignore it, but... make fun of it.

Cameron: Wow your chin is really, really, REALLY big!


---------------- Scene 9a: Narrator, Cameron, +1 ------------------------

~Narrator: If someone performed a musical item and they made a mistake,

Jessie: [plays item makes mistake]

~Narrator: He wouldn't ignore the error, he would tell everyone around him about the mistake.

Cameron: Did you hear that mistake, yeah terrible player, what about you, did you hear the mistake...


---------------- CHANGE Scene: Narrator, Cameron, +1 ------------------------

~Narrator: It seemed, No matter what misfortune happened to others around him - he NEVER showed any compassion to anyone, UNTIL ...
One day the boy went to a doctor for an annual check-up.
The doctor was running very late, which annoyed the uncompassionate.

Cameron: What’s taking you so long!

~Narrator: Said the boy. And the doctor proceeded to tell him about the bad news he had to tell his previous patient.

Cameron: That’s no excuse!

~Narrator: Said the boy.

Cameron: I’m not dying and I’m in a hurry to go play my Xbox.

~Narrator: The Doctor was shocked at his lack of compassion. In fact He’d never seen such a bad case in the years he’d been practicing medicine – other than on Youtube.

So the Doctor got out a compassion vaccine and, while distracting the boy by pointing out someone else’s misfortune, he quickly injected the man without him even knowing.

The next morning, while watching the morning news the boy noticed something strange happening.
He was feeling sorry for the people who were homeless from the earthquake! He actually wanted to find a way to help them, and one of his eyes even started to cry a little!
It seemed this boy now had compassion!


------------------------ Scene 1b ----------------------------

~Narrator: From that day on, If he saw someone fall over,

Jessie: [falls over]

~Narrator: He wouldn't laugh he would ...help.

Cameron: (Helps)


------------------------ Scene 2b ----------------------------

~Narrator: If a friend's pet had died, he would speak...kindly,

Cameron: I'm sorry to hear about your pet!


------------------------ Scene 3b ----------------------------

~Narrator: If he saw someone being bullied He would... be a friend.

Cameron: Got your lunch stolen again? Want some of mine.


------------------------ Scene 4b ----------------------------

~Narrator: If he saw a homeless person on the street... he would give them his change.

Cameron: (Gives change)


------------------------ Scene 5b ----------------------------

~Narrator: If someone was afraid of flying, He would... encourage them.

Cameron: We'll be fine - I fly all the time!


------------------------ Scene 6b ----------------------------

~Narrator: If he knew someone had their girlfriend break up with them, he would ... comfort them

Cameron: Mate we should go play some basketball, help you take your mind off her.


------------------------ Scene 7b ----------------------------

~Narrator: If an elderly person got on a bus and there were no seats, he would ... stand and offer his seat

Cameron: (Stands )


------------------------ Scene 8b ----------------------------

~Narrator: If he knew someone who was embarrassed about their body, he would ignore it.

Cameron: (notices a BIG chin, but says) Umm, how about the weather!


------------------------ Scene 9b ----------------------------

~Narrator: If someone performed a musical item and they made a mistake, he would ... ignore the error and encourage them

Cameron: Nice item! Well done.


----------------- End Scene: Narrator, Cameron, +1 ---------------------

~Narrator: In fact, with his life filled with compassion, he was now one of the nicest people you'll ever meet.

Fortunately, you CAN choose to be compassionate all by yourself, without the need of a mysterious injection.

And I think we all agree, if everyone was compassionate, what a better world it would be to live in! (accidentally drop script on ground)

Cameron: Haha, you drop your script.

~Narrator: (gives a disappointed glare to Cameron.)

Doctor: (comes out, jabs Cameron again. )

Cameron: Well done. Well read. Give them a round of applause everyone.


[All walk off stage.]

 

 

[Alternate 'change scene' plot option which can replace the injection scene]

"One day the boy was at the supermarket. He was on his way to buy some breakfast cereal when he saw an old man struggling to reach the top shelf. As he was staring at the man, having a little laugh to himself, he missed the box of cornflakes he was reaching for and accidentally grabbed a box of ... Compassion Flakes.
The next morning, the boy was watching the morning news while eating the compassion flakes, and something strange happened."
He started feeling sorry for the people who were homeless from the earthquake! He actually wanted to find a way to help them and one of his eyes even started to cry a little!
It seemed this boy now had compassion for people."

 

Performance:
Edinburgh College Arts Evening - November 10, 2015 
Gilson College (Mernda) Chapel - May 18, 2015

“Believe it or not” [game show Christmas skit]

[either for 3 persons (multiple statements each) OR several person skit (one or two statements each)]

Announcer: Good evening and welcome to “Believe It or Not”, the game show where contestants try to outdo one another with strange and hard-to-believe facts. Tonight is our grand final show. And now I’d like to introduce our finalists.

How was your week? Any last-minute study?

Contestant 1: Fine, just spent it relaxing, reading Wikipedia from A through to Z.

Announcer: Well, you should be ready to go. And Steve, how ‘bout you, any last-minute study?

Contestant 2: Not really, other than watching 6 Jeopardy re-runs.

Announcer: Just 6 shows?

Contestant 2: 6 seasons, actually.

Announcer: Well, this should be a cracker of a game. You all know the rules by now, you simply have to share a fact that is more amazing that the previous contestant’s fact.
If a player cannot produce a more amazing fact, the previous player is the winner.