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Dec 15, 2012

“Believe it or not” [game show Christmas skit]

Announcer: Good evening and welcome to “Believe It or Not” the game show where contestants try to outdo one another with strange and hard-to-believe facts.
Tonight is our grand final and season finale of the show. And I’d like to introduce our two finalists, Calvin and Steve.
Calvin, how was your week? Any last minute study?

Calvin: Fine, just spent it relaxing, reading Wikipedia from A through Z.

Announce: We’ll you should be ready to go, and Steve how bout you, any lat minute study?

Steve: Not really, other than watching 6 Jeopardy re-runs,

Announcer: Just 6 shows?

Steve: 6 seasons, actually

Announcer: well this should be a cracker of a game. You know the rules by now, you simply have to write down and share a fact that is more amazing that the previous contestant’s fact.
If a player can not produce a more amazing fact, the other player is the winner.
So let’s get started - Start writing fellas!

(Pretend to start writing facts.)

Let me remind our viewers of the wonderful major prize this season, An all expenses paid, including flights transfers and accommodations, with $5000 spending money to the international algebra convention, in Albuquerque USA.

Ok time is up, lets start with Steve, Can we have your first amazing fact?

Steve Fact 1: If you counted 24 hours a day, to reach the number 1 trillion it would take over 30 . . . thousand years!

Calvin Fact 1: Some 2 million red blood cells are created in your body - per second.

Steve Fact 2: A man named Charles Osborne had the hiccups for 69 years!

Calvin Fact 2: Tim Whale once had short hair, like mine

Steve Fact 3: Pr Bruce once had a full head of hair!

Announce: Great Fact Steve, I don’t know that we can get any more incredible than that. Do you have another more amazing fact ,Calvin?

(Still thinking, a little hesitant)

Announce: Five seconds. Do you have anything?

Calvin Fact 3: About two thousand years ago, a woman who was a virgin had a baby in a stable. This baby was God’s son who came down to earth to show His love for each one of us. He later was crucified and came back to life, so that if we believe in him we too can have everlasting life!

(Contestant Three and Announcer stand there not knowing what to say. )

Announce: (To Contestant 3) Well. . . . Steve . . . Do you have anything more bizarre than that?

Announcer: Well, folks you heard it right here. That’s right…A virgin birth, a baby in a stable, God’s son, came back from the dead, and you can have eternal life…
It’s up to you to “Believe It, or Not!”

Dec 1, 2012

Breaking News: Probation Closed!

Performance: Lilydale Seventh-day Adventist Church - December 1, 2012
The brief given to Scott: A short play about hope in Jesus

If you have multiple live cameras running on the day and showing on the screen, have one pointing at the news desk and another at each ‘location’ that is crossed to – so the big screen shows the news program as if on TV. Have the actors speak into the cameras also.

Two are seated at a news desk (or one, if you haven’t the actors) and the other actors appear elsewhere for their live crosses, then leave.


(Some ‘newsy’ intro music is played as the lively news readers begin to talk.)

[Desk 1] Welcome to Universe Network News.(UNN)
[Desk 2] Coming up in today’s bulletin: Andromeda galaxy begins roll out of a galaxy wide broadband network.
[Desk  1] Horse-head nebular government to fund construction of rest of horses body
[Desk 2] and Pleiades wins the rights to host the 14 billionth universe Olympics

Nov 1, 2012

Pat Farmer: Driven to Run

 In April 2011, Par Farmer began running form the North Pole to the South. Scott Wegener spoke to him about his 10-month journey.
Signs of the Times cover story, Nov 2012

You’re ‘courageous’ if you battle through a seemingly hopeless situation, or perhaps ‘crazy’ if you created the situation on purpose. However, if you put yourself in such hopeless circumstances in an effort to help those in an even worse predicament, you’re Pat Farmer.

Oct 1, 2012

The Slime List

 No Darwinian, Scott Wegener contemplates
what it would be like to, to put it bluntly, "evolve."

There are some moments in my life I wish I could evolve.
Like when you’re carrying a heavy cardboard box and you come to a door that is closed. A literal third arm would come in very  . . . handy (too early for a pun? Sorry).

While there’s many reasons I don’t believe evolution played a role in how I became the specimen I am today, if I DID believe I was a part of a Slow-Level Improve-Myself Evolution  program (or SLIME for short), I would definitely have my own list of things to develop.
It would be a little like a ‘bucket list’, which is a list of things you want to do before you ‘kick the bucket’. A SLIME list is a register of bodily changes my family line is currently working on evolving.
It would be necessary to have such a list so our family line knows whether their evolving sessions should concentrate on developing a reversing eye in the back of the head or a volume dial to adjust hearing levels.

As for my family line’s SLIME list, it includes the following:

Jul 24, 2012


Scott Wegener believes he's ready
for the latest Olympic event.

Signs of the Times, Jul 2012

I’m ready for the next Olympics. That is, if short-circuit pram pushing becomes an Olympic event.
It wasn’t until we moved interstate that we started having ‘evening complications’ in getting our one-year-old daughter to sleep. Instead of going peacefully to la la land she would cry and scream as she stood rattling her cot walls. From the noise, you’d think we’d just dropped her into a cage of lions.

Jun 20, 2012

Counting Sheep

How can we evaluate our evangelistic efforts?

CQ, June 20, 2012
Hebrews 10:24,25

How can we evaluate our evangelistic efforts? What can we measure and how can we get the data to do so? Here are some ideas that may help you decide whether an evangelistic event was successful, needs tweaking or cancelling all together.

May 19, 2012

Noah's Arkestra

An Orchestral Children's Story

Summary: A conductor tells the children of the audience a story about Noah’s Ark and the instruments keep interrupting with sound effects - to the apparent frustration of the conductor, who eventually plays along with it.

“How many of you have heard the story of Noah?

[pause for a show of hands, then act surprised and disappointed as everyone already knows the story you were about to tell]

“Oh . . . all of you.

[mutters as if disappointed that this isn't a new story for the kids] “Great” 

“Well, it’s my favorite story so you’re going to hear it again.
A long time ago, God spoke to a man named Noah. He told him he needed to build a huge boat to save some of the people and animals from a big flood that was coming.
So Noah and his sons started to chop down some trees.” [makes chopping motions with arm]


Conductor: [looks around to the drummer with a confused glare - as if to communicate ‘what was that all about’]

Apr 1, 2012

Cutting Board Facts

The following silliness was written for a "Virtual Cutting Board" iPhone app Scott released in April 2012.

Whether you call them “cutting boards”, “chopping boards” or “the flat thingy you divide food up on”, a cutting board can be found in every kitchen that has one.

Chopping boards have been around since they were invented and can be bought in any shop that sells them. (You’ll find them in the isle with the items that are displayed next to them.)

Cutting boards are part of a large family, whose members include iron, surf, white, black, card, circuit, pin, chess, bulletin, diving, wake, snow and I’m.

The largest chopping board ever created was bigger than the second largest ever created.

The world record for the smallest chopping board is yet to be seen.

Mar 1, 2012

A Stairway to Heaven

 Scott Wegener looks at the facts and calculates the cost of a connection.   

I have a talent for pointing out statements that are totally impractical.
On one occasion, I had a mother share her longing for a bridge that joined Australia and New Zealand. This was because her daughter had just moved away from her home in Sydney to Auckland.
I probably should have optimistically responded with something like, “Yeah, it would be nice to know that at any moment you could pop in your car and drive over and surprise her for a weekend visit. You must miss her so much – here’s a tissue.”
Instead, in my quest to rid the world of impractical verbal frivolities, I responded by issuing a reality check-which included some of the following:

Jan 1, 2012

Honour Your Father and Your Mother

Scott Wegener gets a hair-raising experience while trying to obey God’s fifth commandment for 28 days.
Signs of the Times, Jan-Feb 2012
US Signs of the Times, Feb 2012

It was quite evident that neither of us wanted to be around the other. But if I didn’t change his light bulb, he’d probably die that night. I use the term he loosely, because it isn’t that easy to tell whether a snake is male or female. He was coiled around a burned-out light bulb, which usually kept him warm, and now he was striking at me every time I got near his cage to change it.


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